- "This whole script was intended as a joke at first but then stories started to form and it felt as though I wasn't writing the characters. I was merely saying what they told me to say."
- ―My view upon writing this fanon.
Set sail for adventure as you witness the journey of Pirate-Captain Adventure Spack Jarrows and his "loving" crew traverse against the odds of Dutch Templar billionaire, Hannibal. Upon discovering a golden orb inside a temple in South America, Spack's journey becomes a race for time so that he would get the ultimate treasure hidden somewhere in this world. Will he succeed? Read to find out!
Just note that there is swearing, a lot of swearing, and I mean a lot. Just, you've been warned.
Play the "guess the chapter name's artist" mini-game whilst you read! Each chapter title is a song name (except the Prologue) and your job is to guess the artist! Can you do it?
New Chapter every day (or every 2 days varying)
- 1 Prologue
- 2 Chapter 1 - Slow Ride
- 3 Chapter 2 - My Way Or The Highway
- 4 Chapter 3 - Battlescars
- 5 Chapter 4 - This Means War
- 6 Chapter 5 - Trespassing
- 7 Chapter 6 - Crocodile Rock
- 8 Chapter 7 - Another One Bites The Dust
- 9 Chapter 8 - All Around Me
- 10 Chapter 9 - Sympathy For The Devil
- 11 Chapter 10 - Welcome to the Jungle
- 12 Chapter 11 - One
- 13 Chapter 12 - Had Enough
- 14 Chapter 13 – Wanted Dead Or Alive?
- 15 Chapter 14 – New Leaf
- 16 Chapter 15 – The Imperial March
- 17 Chapter 16 – Nowhere To Run
- 18 Chapter 17 – The Eagle Rock Part 1
- 19 Chapter 18 – The Eagle Rock Part 2
- 20 Chapter 19 – The Eagle Rock Part 3
- 21 Chapter 20 – The Big Score
- 22 Where Are They Now?
A misty day it was down by the docks of Canada, a place where people think “aboot” means “about” and nobody cared. Their money color was pink yet nobody gave a damn and where pirates and cool shit like that roamed. This is a prologue and it doesn't make sense, because why the fuck are you reading the prologue? Nobody reads this shit anymore.
Chapter 1 - Slow Ride
Remember when I said the story was set in Canada? I lied, no no no, the story is now in the good ol’ land of South America in hopes of finding a lost treasure buried within a temple. Two travelers stood outside the entrance, it was made of stone and had been well preserved.
Cpt. Spack Jarrows: Well Ace, we've finally made it to this temple, look at its majestic glory.
Ace: Captain, the temple is to your left; you’re currently looking into a large pipeline.
Spack: And what a fine pipeline it is, Ace.
The captain turned to face the jungle and saw the temple hidden nearby.
Ace: That’s odd, how did nobody find this; must be the newspaper on top of it?
Yes, on top of it lay a ripped up newspaper; probably from nearby crows who found it on washed up dead bodies.
Spack: Let’s go Ace!
Ace: For the last time it’s not Ace! It’s Stef—
The two stopped in their tracks as a growl roared from the tunnel and a large wind escaped the tunnel; forcefully pushing the two back. Spack: What was that?
Ace: I don’t like the looks of this.
Spack: Why? It’s just a wind coming out of a dark tunnel we know nothing about, what could happen?
The two continued through the temple and came across an empty room filled with nothing at all, except a lot of wires; presumably harmless. Spack took one step forward and right by the tip of his head flew an arrow.
Spack: Shit! We’re under attack!
Ace: Oh come on! Nobody is in here; you triggered something when you touched the wires.
Ace drew out his sword and sliced it through the wires, the steel blade clashing with the weak rope.
Ace: I see people fall for this all the time in the movies yet they don’t just do that, why?
Spack: People are idiots—
Spack fell over one of the wires and felt the whisper of the arrow seething past his hat.
Ace: You were saying?
Spack: Screw off.
The two progressed through the temple once more and found the central chamber, in the center was a Golden Orb of extreme mystery and wonder. Spack gazed at the mystical object with dollar signs in his eyes, Ace attempted to stop Spack as the floor began to shift; gaps opened up but Spack was determined to get to that glowing piece of orb. He skipped left and jumped to the right, soon finding himself in the middle of the room. Ace stood there, his jaw dropped but he looked closely and saw a small plate lying underneath the orb.
Ace: Pressure plate? CAPTAIN! STOP!
Spack reached for it and lifted it off its plate; he grinned and was suddenly thrown off balance.
Spack: What the hell?
The roof collapsed on the entrance and Spack was left to evade a falling rock. Ace had left the area via the entrance and left Spack to die. Spack: Little cun—
Spack noticed an entrance had opened up, instinct told him to take it and so he did. The door closed behind him and he sprinted for his life. He tripped over on a pressure plate; all he could hear was the sound of a boulder flying over his head. Spack: Stupid things they are, went right over me.
The captain spoke to soon as another one went flying towards him, he continued the sprint; jumping over obstacles and avoiding them at any cost, he was nearing the exit and he swung all his weight towards the right and took to the ground. The boulder swung past him and continued through the jungle biome.
Spack: Hey. The tunnel, heh.
Spack chuckled on the ground as he reached into his pack and pulled out the golden orb. Something wasn't right though; it could be squeezed like a sponge and was hardened foam.
Spack: What bullfuckery is this?
Out of the shadows emerged Ace Venturer with three strange unfamiliar people, in one’s hand was the Golden Orb.
Ace: Sorry Captain but I've put up with your crap for too long, you’re an idiot and you don’t listen to reason.
Spack: But Ace—
Ace: My name’s Stefano! Screw your Ace crap, my name is Stefano! Get it through that thick skull of yours.
Spack got to his feet, trying to catch his breath, the orb still in the random man’s hand; he took this time wisely to spit on the man’s feet and use his moment of looking down to swipe it. Spack charged through the forest and saw the sail of his ship in the distance. He grinned for moment.
Three gunshots were heard.
Chapter 2 - My Way Or The Highway
Spack examined the bodies; Ace had survived but had suffered a bullet wound in his shoulder.
Spack: Well fuck me, a good shot that was.
A man had left the ship and planted his feet on land, he breathed in the fresh air. Reaver.
Reaver: Was bloody ruthless, see the blood and crap spilling from their bodies. It was quite amusing.
Spack: You’re sadistic.
Reaver: I’m Reaver.
Spack: I need to know; you were at the ship waiting for me and had your gun at the ready. How did you know he betrayed us?
Reaver: I always keep track on members of the crew, avoids a boring and overdone stab in the back.
Spack: You killed the two others like it was nothing.
Reaver: A pleasure.
Spack: Why didn't you tell me?
Reaver: I did, you just never listen.
Spack: Thank you, I just wanted clarification, I wanted to ask you before but I thought it’d spoil the moment.
Spack shrugged and focused his attention towards Ace who seemed to be crawling back slowly. Reaver gripped Ace’s foot and dragged him closer.
Reaver: You’re not going anywhere little boy.
Reaver let out a sadistic grin and dragged Ace by his foot onto the ship. Spack: Sometimes I wonder how I got into this.
Overhearing the sentence, Reaver was quick to respond.
Reaver: You’re Captain Spack Jarrows, like your father before you, you are a pirate. Spack: Oh, right. What a shitty way to live, I love it.
Leaving the shore, the SS Ship Happens sailed smoothly but inside it was a bloody beating. Ace was getting his head kicked in by Reaver.
Reaver: Wait; did something happen in between the last scene that we don’t know about?
Reaver's attention was diverted towards the bandage on Ace; he just smiled as a man wearing a medical coat and mask walked in.
The Doctor: Sorry I’m late ladies; got held up at my bitch’s house while my brothers and I lit one.
Reaver: How the fuck did you get on the ship if you were at home?
The Doctor: Relax, I’m a Doctor.
Reaver: Doctor Who? Wait, where are your credentials? I don’t think I trust you. The Doctor: Sorry, I left my documents at your mum’s house but I've got the number so I can get her to mail it to you.
Reaver: My mother’s dead.
The Doctor: That doesn't stop them.
Reaver: Guess it wouldn't stop you either.
The Doctor: Well done, if I wanted my comeback I would've wiped it from your mums lips.
Ace just sat down on a wooden stool laughing as Reaver and the Doctor stared off. Reaver grinned and began to let out a laugh as the Doc proceeded to do the same. Reaver finally noticed Ace once more and slammed his knee into the prisoner’s stomach; Ace began to cough up blood. In came the Captain with words to spread and news to tell.
Spack: A bit of news, apparently they’re building a ship twice the size of this one, the “Unsinkable and incredible Titanic” which I have one ticket to, so I think I’ll give that to Steve up deck. Now, Ace will still be part of our crew under direct orders from Steve and he’ll move up in the ranks once more.
Reaver: What do you mean?
Spack: I mean it’s unsinkable; nothing can sink that, not even the biggest of mountains.
Reaver: Wow-- Not that though, what do you mean you’re giving him another chance as our crew?
Spack: He’s done too much to this team to just let go and kill.
Reaver: We did that to your former crewmate, Leroyalton Jennekins.
Spack: He didn't do anything.
Reaver: He fixed the ship when were bombarded by some random ship we tried to loot. Sure, we destroyed their ship and one of their team members were killed during the explosion but still!
Spack: Your point being?
The Doctor: He means, what has Ace done?
Spack: He delivered messages of our plans to the boss in Europe.
Reaver: Are… are you for real?
The Doctor: Fucking idiot.
The Doctor: He sold you out, are you that retarded that you couldn't see it.
Spack: No, Ace wouldn't do that, he was one of my most loyal men.
Reaver: Who sold you out?
Reaver: Your most loyal of men?
Spack: Yeah, why?
Reaver: Just... leave. Get out.
Spack: But I’m Capt—
The Doctor: Go. Now!
Spack left, confused about what had just occurred.
Chapter 3 - Battlescars
Steve lingered in his room, twiddling his pencil around with a notepad on his lap.
Spack opened up the quarter’s door and Steve immediately impersonated a working man.
Steve: Heya Captain, what brings you down to pirate accounting?
Spack: Checking up on my staff, what are you up to?
Steve: I’m currently working on counting up some numbers to hopefully gain some results on that thing you want me to do.
Steve smiled awkwardly, Spack just nodded.
Spack: Keep up the good work, Downes.
Steve: Will do boss.
Spack went into his quarter and began doing a quarterly review of staff; he reached for his gluestick but found it had disappeared.
Spack: God-damnit, must've gotten stuck to that boulder, I guess I’ll have to us— A smash against the ship’s side had been heard and a bell had been raised. Reaver rushed into the Captain’s office.
Reaver: Spack, we’re under attack, some enemy ship is on our asses!
The Doctor was soon to follow entry into the Office.
The Doctor: Hurry, we need to lose blast fast, ya dig?
Reaver: I've got some questions for you once we get off but that can wait for now, what are your plans?
Spack stood there speechless, his mind seemed to be blank but after an attempt at trying to “snap him out of it,” Spack got out of his chair.
Spack: I may not be the most intelligent man but I know how to wage a fight, we’ll go in banging and we’ll come out victors! Reaver, grab the men and prepare them for assault.
Reaver: This may be trickier than I thought; the rain is making it harder to view the outside.
Spack: Doesn't matter, I’m going to attempt to manoeuvre the ship into theirs thus giving us a chance to board. Don’t blow this.
Reaver and The Doctor had quickly fled the room and gotten the men, Spack rushed to Steve who was resting.
Spack: Get out, Steve!
Steve rolled over in his bed and waved Spack off.
Steve: Wake me when you need me.
Spack: We need you now, get up!
Steve slowly got out of his bed but was forcefully pushed out the quarters by Spack. A quick rush of water swept in as a cannon swept through the quarters.
Spack: Come on!
The two rushed to the deck and saw the rest of the two gathered at around. Steve gazed at some shining green armor but was dragged away by Spack.
Spack: Battle armor's for fuckwits, get with the rest of the crew.
Reaver: About time, their crew just had their dinner while we waited out here for you.
Spack steered the ship in the direction, the rain falling down upon the men and blood was soon flying in the air due to arrows. Spack and his crew, once close enough, leaped to the other ship where their swords clashed with the flesh of their new foe. A long fought battle it was, Spack swung around and glided his sword through the sides of his foes eventually their crew overwhelmed the opposition.
Spack: Stay here, I’ll deal with their Captain.
Spack entered the Captain’s quarters where he noticed a man wearing a black tuxedo swigging wine with two dames at his side.
El Toppo: So you've come? What do you want? Money? I have a lot of that shit. Bitches? I have even more of that or is it power? Something of which I can’t give because I need it to get bitches and money.
Spack: Your ship and perhaps the fine wine you have there.
El Toppo: Oh no, you can’t have this, this gets woman and if I allow people like you to procreate then humanity is doomed. You hear me?
Spack: What’s the supposed to mean?
El Toppo: Your clothes and how you talk are the fine example of how humanity is doomed, if I allowed you to procreate then the human race doesn't deserve to live.
Spack: That’s a nice scar on your neck; want me to make it bigger?
El Toppo: Feisty, I like that on my woman, not so hot on a guy though, perhaps you should twirl and move your ass on out of here.
Spack drew his sword and the giggling women soon became innocent bystanders, standing back helplessly as the fierce pirate captain El Toppo faced the knife of treasure hunter-pirate person Spack Jarrows.
Spack: Give me the keys to your ship.
El Toppo: I left them at home, allow me to get them.
Spack: I’m not that stupid, I’ll go with you.
El Toppo: Retard.
Spack: Bond wannabe.
El Toppo: Take that back.
Spack: Make me.
El Toppo: With pleasure.
Toppo swung his fist at Spack, one dodge and then another. He kept throwing punches, laying one or two on his opponent. Spack went for one but was stopped by Toppo.
El Toppo: Stop stop, you’ll crinkle the suit, let me cut you a deal, I keep these babes here and you let me chill down in the quarters. Deal?
Spack: I don’t quite trust you but you’re easily outnumbered. Deal.
The three people walked by, one of the women leaned over to Spack.
Woman #1: Call me maybe.
Spack: Why do I think I’ll regret those words?
Chapter 4 - This Means War
Some of the crew watched Toppo in his chambers, keeping a close eye on the former captain. Spack gazed at the sinking SS Ship Happens while Reaver joined him.
Reaver: You didn't hesitate to let him on our crew.
Spack: I know.
Reaver: Why? I would've killed him where he stood then left his body to the sharks.
Spack: He knows something, why did they just attack like that?
Reaver: Because they’re pirates.
Spack: They’re not though, no part of this ship relates to an average pirate ship plus these weapons are militia grade weapons.
Reaver: So you’re thinking a conspiracy?
Spack: Oh no, I’m thinking adventure. Reaver: That’s stupid, you’re going insane.
Spack: Going insane? I’m already there. I also have one question for you, how did you know I didn't hesitate?
Reaver: You were so loud; the crew could hear you from outside.
Spack: That’s not that loud.
Reaver: In rain and with thunder striking around us.
Spack: Point taken.
Reaver: So why? Why just let him live? We have the ship? We have the victory?
Spack: And now we have their captain, surely he knows something that we can use to our advantage.
Spack and Reaver met up with the Doctor down in the medical quarters where they found
Toppo looking at all the needles and medications.
Toppo: Real nice drug-rig you got going here, care to let me in on it?
Spack: Shut up and sit down.
Reaver: You know something and we want answers.
El Toppo: Oh really big guy, what if I don’t want to give any?
Reaver got to his knees to level with Toppo; pulling out a fairly large needle with a syringe like a knife.
Reaver: See this needle? Inside this needle is polonium, a deadly and fast acting poison.
El Toppo: Go on, kill me and you’ll never get your answers.
Reaver: Oh, I wasn't going to kill you. I’m thinking one of your little bunnies over there. What do you think?
El Toppo: You’re bluffing.
Reaver: Oh really?
Reaver got to his feet and approached the two women. He placed his hand around one’s neck and laid the syringe into her arm. Reaver laughed as the other woman retreated to the corner and the dead body collapsed to the floor.
El Toppo: Alright, I’ll tell, just don’t kill the last one; I need someone to make me look good.
Reaver: I thought you may come around, so spill it, who are you’re working for?
El Toppo: I work for myself; I’m a god-damned pirate.
Reaver: Mind explaining where you got this Military grade weaponry?
El Toppo: Heist.
El Toppo: In the place where the military are?
Reaver: Lie. I’ll ask you again, where did you get the weaponry?
El Toppo: From the military.
Toppo noticed Reaver getting ready to push his finger down and lay it into him. In his moment of weakness, he caved.
El Toppo: They told me to dispose of your ship, they bribed your boss in Europe and he gave away all the information of your whereabouts.
Spack: The fucker sold me out.
The Doctor: Oh, now you find that out.
Spack: What are they planning?
El Toppo: When word reaches them, they’ll keep sending people your way.
Reaver: And who are “they”?
El Toppo: His name is Hannibal, well, that’s what he’s called, and not many people know his real name. Many say he stabbed it along with his father which he then used to marry his mother. Rumors, I know, but I have a hunch.
Spack and The Doctor left Reaver to keep Toppo in check while they discussed their next course of action.
The Doctor: Isn't this usually something you’d usually discuss with Reaver?
Spack: I’d rather avoid spoiling his fun.
The Doctor: You sure he was the right choice for that? Screaming could be heard coming from the quarters, smashing into walls and tables. The sound of punches echoed the hall and then there was more screaming.
Spack: I’m sure everything will be fine.
The Doctor: Sometimes I wonder how you became a Pirate Captain.
Spack: My father was a pirateer.
The Doctor: What?
Spack: Yeah, my father was a pirateer.
The Doctor: You sure he didn't say pioneer?
Spack: Pretty sure, pioneer just sounds dumb.
The Doctor: Right, pioneer sounds dumb.
Spack: Alright, while looting the chambers of Toppo's cabin, I came across a map of sorts. Apparently it leads to a place called “Kokomo”?
Smack! The door collapsed to the floor as Reaver came strolling in.
Reaver: Someone said Kokomo?
The Doctor: You know of this place?
Reaver: Aye, I heard about it when I was a young boy, it was in detention after I stole Timmy’s crutches and proved to the entire world he was a fraud who wanted attention.
The Doctor: What is it then?
Reaver: It’s an area near the coasts of Africa, usually inhabited by natives though. Spack: To Adventure!
The Doctor: That’s either madness… or brilliance.
Spack: It’s amazing how the two seem to coincide.
Reaver: How is that brilliance?
The Doctor: Because if we get treasure, then it’ll be brilliant for us because we’ll be rich.
The ship set sail for Kokomo with Reaver navigating the way in eagerness. Once arrived, Spack noticed three corpses lying on the ground; he paid his respects and gazed at the sign.
“Pirates ye’ be warned!”
Spack flippantly saluted the sign.
Chapter 5 - Trespassing
Spack felt a crunch as he began to set foot in a forest area. He looked down at his foot and noticed the broken glass.
Spack: What the fuck? A needle?
The Doctor: It’s okay, I’m a Doctor.
Spack: Shut up.
The group took one step through the forest and noticed whores lining the streets, wannabe gangsters lining in the alleyways and graffiti spread across the walls. The group quickly rushed through the streets and made it to the other side of the village.
Reaver: What the hell happened here? This can’t be Kokomo, it’s too modern.
Spack: Clearly you were wrong Reaver; the map leads to a cave up in that mountain. You lead us here so you can go up there and get it.
Reaver: What a load of crap, just because I made some miscalculations of what the island would seem like.
Spack: Ahuh. Fine, take Steve with you; I’m sure you can use his help.
The ground started to shake as a boulder came smashing through the city at an extremely fast pace.
Spack: Wait, isn't that boulder from the temple in South America? It is! I can see my glue-stick on it!
Steve and Reaver began to journey up the mountain, it was a pathway which seemed to be crumbling every second and—it was no different. They found their way into the cavern.
Steve: Who’s going in first?
Reaver: Who do you think?
Reaver pushed Steve into the cavern and the two continued to walk. Skeletons lined the walls and the torches had long been put out. The two found themselves in a small room with a small chest in the middle and spikes pointing down from the ceiling.
Reaver: This is a trap, that’s blatantly obvious. Let’s go through the door ahead. The two went through the next doorway but before they progress, Reaver lined up a shot of his and shot at the chest which resulted in it being blown off the plate and triggering the spikes’ release.
Reaver: Ha, nothing’s going to put me down now.
Swoosh! A wooden structure flew towards Reaver, missing him by the tip of his hair.
Reaver: Well, that was bloody clo—
Reaver spoke too soon as the structure struck him and flung him down to the ground; he crawled forward while Steve got to his knees and began to make his way towards the next room. It was a sound activated chamber with the answer to a translated riddle to open it.
Reaver: We live in a time of explosives, why don’t people capitalize on this in the movies?
Steve: Because they don’t want to destroy the structure?
Reaver: But that’s less exciting.
Reaver reached into his pack and pulled out an explosive device which, once detonated caused a long range impact which resulted in the collision of the remains. The mountain was hollow and could crumble at any minute. All that remained was a platform in the center of the room and crumbled remains.
Steve: How is that physically possible?
Reaver: Does it matter? We’re safe and not in pieces.
Steve: Seriously, there’s a rock floating in mid-air over there.
Reaver: Shut up, you might trigger gravity and nobody likes gravity to be triggered.
Steve shrugged and Reaver proceeded to look inside the chest, but all they found was a note:
“Knowledge is the greatest treasure.”
Reaver: That’s bullshit, I demand treasure!
Reaver's prayers were answered as he noticed a map right under it.
Reaver: Well, that’s convenient.
Steve: I never got where we were exactly, this is a place which is defying gravity yet not defying gravity. This is extraordinary, just the history behind this place.
Reaver: Which I blew up with explosives, and then I laughed.
Steve: Let’s just get out of here.
Reaver: Way ahead of you.
Reaver walked on air towards the end passageway of the mountain which was surprisingly not caved in and once he had made it to the passage he laughed.
Reaver: I’m like Jesus but bigger.
The sound of lightning hit the side of the mountain just after he concluded that sentence.
Reaver: Alright, almost though.
Steve: By doing something that everyone can? Right, now we need to regroup with the others.
Spack: About time.
The crew looked towards the familiar sound of their captain but were greeted by a woman whom was obviously not Spack Jarrows.
Reaver: You’re not Spack, you’re a woman and we all know women are no pirates.
“Spack”: I am too Spack.
Steve: But you have tits, Spack hasn't gotten fat yet, he’s just starting out as a pirate.
“Spack”: Fine, I’m not your retarded Captain Spack, the name’s Jacqueline Riposki; people just call me Jackie though.
Steve: Aha, I knew it all along, you’re Jacqueline Riposki!
Reaver: Shut up.
Reaver pushed back Steve and glared at the woman slowly.
Reaver: I can kill you, just saying.
Jackie: Keep thinking that.
Reaver: I can and probably will kill you.
Reaver: What are you going to do to stop me?
Jackie: Kick your balls; they’re probably a little sore from all the groping.
Reaver: Got a bit of bite, I like that but that’s not going to win me over, I’d like a little action.
Jackie: And if I don’t want to.
Reaver: I’ll kill you and I will fuck your corpse.
Jackie: Surely not even you are willing to fuck a corpse.
Reaver: Well, not a rotten body but a fresh one may prove interesting.
Steve: What about me?
Reaver: What about you? So, is it a deal?
Jackie: You’re bluffing but I appreciate the optimism.
Reaver: I like you already.
Reaver forced his body onto Jackie’s, groping her and moaning softly while doing so. Reaver began to believe Jackie wanted it but as he reached lower he felt a huge knee strike him below the belt, letting out a large "oomph" noise, he gripped his crotch in agony.
Reaver: Fine, play hard to get but I will be taking you to my Captain.
Jackie: Good, I’m eager to meet him.
The three returned to the ship only to find no Spack, the rest of the crew was aboard the ship and even Toppo and Ace remained aboard.
Reaver: How are you enjoying your rank, Ace?
Ace: Screw you; I’m still proud of what I did.
Reaver: It’s okay, I’ll tend to you once we’re back on sea.
The crew stopped in their tracks as they heard the march of at least thirty men all screaming in native tone but one man’s was distinct from the rest.
Spack: Fucking ready the boat!
Spack: I said, fucking ready the boat!
Reaver heard and the boat began to ship out, Spack began to gain more speed and eventually found himself side by side his ship. He leaped forward grabbing onto the ladder and climbing aboard. The ship began to gain more acceleration which the Native’s couldn't keep up with.
Spack: Reaver, you know the island you guys were on?
Spack: That wasn't Kokomo; that was a part of Africa. Kokomo was an island close to the African coastline but not at all.
Reaver: How did you get there?
Spack: Made a boat, all you need is five wooden planks.
Reaver: That’s stupid.
Spack: No what’s stupid is that the native’s had nothing--- Hellooooooo.
Spack averted his attention to Jackie.
Spack: Who is this?
Jackie: I’m Captain Spack Jarrows.
Spack: No, I’m Spack Jarrows.
Jackie: I’m Jacqueline Riposki; I came here disguised as you.
Spack: Why me?
Jackie: Because you’re the easiest one to impersonate.
Spack: That’s not a compliment is it?
Jackie: Judging from what I've seen, you’re unarguably one of the worst pirates I've ever heard of.
Spack: But you've heard of me.
Reaver: Sorry to interrupt, I found a map to treasure in that mountain.
Spack: But didn't you go in looking for treasure.
Reaver: Don’t get me started.
Spack: So where to next?
Spack: No, make it somewhere else.
Spack: If we kill off any British people they’ll think we’re anti-British.
Reaver: Fine, Australia.
Spack: Good, nobody gives two-shits about Australians.
Chapter 6 - Crocodile Rock
The crew departed for the grand land of Aus—Heh, who are we kidding? It’s not so grand, let’s just say it’s a land of danger with the main threat being spiders and those dogs that take babies.
Spack: This place doesn't look so safe.
Jackie: Isn't this where you grew up?
Spack: Exactly, got bitten by at least 300 of these buggers.
The ship docked in and the crew proceeded to exit the ship, all the while a bigger threat than temple traps was emerging. Successful billionaire Donald Trump had plans for the crew. What? Oh, successful billionaire Hannibal had plans for the crew. Back at his main home in a shack within the confines of the Netherlands, he started off a meeting between Monkay and Nikolai Koslovski.
Hannibal: Greetings gentleman, I've called this meeting to discuss the plans of that damned Captain Spack Jarrows and his crew of gullible fools.
Nikolai: Wait just a minute, before we proceed with this meeting I need to know; how the hell did you get so rich?
Hannibal: I was a journalist, so using cunning skill and a lot of alcohol, I managed to lay the mayor’s daughter and get him to pay me off in exchange for my silence.
Monkay: Which you just blew?
Hannibal: Quite. Anyway, this crew has to b—
Nikolai: I’m sorry, I don’t want to be “that guy” but why bother with such a tiny crew, and we have armies and crap, why not just use them?
Hannibal: Because this is better, more interesting and not the least bit realistic which people seem to like for some reason. Now, let’s proceed. My spies tell me that they've docked in Australia, what now?
Nikolai: Britain seems more like an appropriate place to hold treasure, why not there?
Hannibal: Because everyone likes the British, we don’t want to seem anti-British. We’ll send in a spy to infiltrate their group, know their weaknesses and kill them when the opportunity arises.
Nikolai: Too unoriginal. Needs more sexy.
Hannibal: What would you have us do then?
Nikolai: Fake captive.
Hannibal: Love it.
Nikolai: What about the Apple? You never gave us true clarification on that.
Hannibal: Ah yes, the apple, our captive will also capture that, that Apple could be worth thousands!
Out of nowhere came a man bearing a white hood, whom leaped through the window and firmly landed on the floor. This man’s belt buckle strangely resembled something out of a game. I wonder which one that was.
Vatty: Your time is up Nathan, you and your Templar scum will pay the price!
Hannibal: How did you know I'm a Templar? Who the hell are you?
Vatty: This is the Ballad story isn't it?
Hannibal: Your plotline is over there.
Vatty: Oh, my apologies.
The strange man climbed out the window and left the scene.
Monkay: What the hell was that guy smoking?
Hannibal: We’re Dutch; we know what he’s smoking.
The three laughed and began to smoke cigars like they do in the movies, the scene left them there and returned to the fine crew of the SS Fuckin’ Tuck. They began to venture through the Australian outback and ran into some Dutch people.
Spack: Holy shit, they’re abodiginies.
Reaver: Abo- What?
Spack: Abodiginies, they’re natives to this land.
Reaver: You mean aboriginals?
Spack: Yeah, abodiginies.
The Doctor stopped the Reaver, gripping his shoulder and whispering.
The Doctor: Don’t bother.
Reaver: Anyway, let me go up and ask them where this map leads.
The Doctor: If the map leads to England, why are we here? And how did that map change?
Reaver: TheSt0ryTeller’s writing this, he can fuck up logic all he wants.
The Doctor: Sounds retarded.
Spack: Ha, yeah, now let’s continue on this quest.
Spack approached one of the Dutch people whom looked at him suspiciously.
Reaver: Wait, I thought aboriginals were black?
Reaver: How was that racist?
Random Dutchman: Waarom ben je op verboden terrain (Why are you guys trespassing?)
Reaver: Their language sounds stupid, has to be Dutch.
Ace: How do you know it’s Dutch?
Reaver: Because it sounds stupid.
Random Dutchman: Beledig onze taal! (Don’t insult our language.)
Jackie: I got this. Onze excuses voor eventuele beledigingen, wat brengt jullie naar Australië? (Sorry for any insults, what brings you guys to Australia?)
Random Dutchman: Gedreven door vreemde mannen dragen witte kappen. (Driven out by white men in hoods)
Ace: She speaks Dutch?
Reaver: Quiet, let the lady speak.
Jackie: Wiens schuld was het? (Whose fault was it?)
Random Dutchman: Lemand met de naam Cloggsy, maar dat is ons probleem, waarom ben je op verboden terrein? (Someone by the name of Cloggsy, but that’s our problem, why are you trespassing?)
Jackie: We zijn op zoek naar deze schat locatie via kaart. Kunt u ons helpen? (We’re looking for this treasure location via map, can you help us?)
Random Dutchman: Ah, oude ruïnes begraven onder hier, we dit dorp op de top gebouwd, is er nog steeds een pad, volg mij. (Ah, Ancient Ruins are underneath here, we built this village on top, there’s still a pathway, follow me!)
Jackie: Come on guys, he’s going to take us to the Temple.
Spack: What did you say?
Jackie: I told him what was happening.
Reaver: You looked so sexy when you were talking.
Jackie: Shut up, Reaver.
Reaver: Even sexier when you’re angry.
So, the journey continued and the crew found themselves inside the ancient ruins of a nearby temple.
Spack: This looks creepy, Jackie and Reaver can go into this dark cave.
Jackie: Not Reaver.
Spack: Fine, I’ll go.
Jackie: Less creepy now.
Chapter 7 - Another One Bites The Dust
Spack and Jackie entered the ruins whilst Reaver and the rest of the crew tended to their ship. Spack and Jackie walked through the ruins, the traps seemed to have been activated already and the two continued their march.
Spack: So, do you like movies?
Jackie: Oh my god, do you ever shut up?!
Spack: Some people would think being talkative is a good trait.
Jackie: Some people would, but not me; the very sound of your voice annoys me.
Spack: How so?
Jackie: It sounds so… Australian.
Spack: That’s because I’m from Australia.
Jackie: There’s your first problem, watch out for that spider.
Spack jumped at the thought of a nearby spider, gripping Jackie’s shoulder.
Jackie: Touch me again and I’ll rip off your balls with a steak knife.
While the two ventured through the cave, we return to the dock area with Reaver and
Toppo whom sat a nice little café drinking coffee.
Reaver: Lighten up, Toppo.
Toppo: Can you at least loosen these chains? These fucking things are tighter than your mum.
Reaver: I like you already.
Toppo: They always do.
Reaver: So Toppo, what’s your backstory?
Toppo: Not much to tell really, I’m part Spanish, got it from my mother’s side. My father abandoned my mother and sister once my mother’s actual husband got home.
Reaver: What was your father’s name?
Toppo: Part of my name derives from it actually, Topsper or something like that. I don’t know; it’s beyond me why she kept him in her heart.
Reaver: Sounds like a douche.
Toppo: Damned if I know.
Out came a local butler, seemingly French by the epic mustache and by his combed hair-style.
Hug de Car: Greetings gentleman, I’m Hug de Car and I’ll be your waiter for today. Here are your two Parma sandwiches without the crust and for desert, vegemite in a can.
Reaver: Vegemite is shit.
Hug de Car: It’s all we have left, people love my cooking.
Reaver: Then perhaps you could come with us.
Hug de Car: I don’t even know you.
Reaver: We have money.
Hug de Car: I have a job.
Reaver: We have more money.
Hug de Car: And how do you have more money?
Hug de Car: Sounds awesome but doesn't fully answer my question.
Toppo: Listen buddy, we have women on board, extremely hot women with large breasts and wicked asses. You in or are you gay?
Hug de Car: I'm still not too sure.
Toppo: Alright "mate," I'm going to give you a number and stop when I have enough.
Toppo had bought out a check book and began writing vigorously, noticing Hug de Car was starting to lick his lips.
Hug de Car: That's more than enough, I'll talk to my boss about quitting, but how do you make that much money from piracy?
Reaver: Yeah, Toppo, we've never made that much money.
Toppo: I was commissioned by a Dutch Billionaire remember? Gave me a crap tonne of money.
Hug de Car: Alright, I'll meet you there.
Toppo: That’s what I like to hear.
Hug de Car walked off to speak with his manager while Reaver smiled.
Reaver: Now why would you help us?
Toppo: Mind taking off the chains? No point in escaping anymore, my failure has probably resulted in a hunt and bounty on my head.
Reaver: I’m trusting you here, Toppo. Do anything funny and I’ll snap your neck where you stand.
Toppo: Love that bit of fight in you.
Reaver: Everyone does.
Reaver removed the chains from Toppo and he sat there and drank his coffee normally. Reaver, relieved, sat himself back down and continued to down himself in the beverage.
Meanwhile in the ruins…
Spack: Do these bastards ever stop coming?
More spiders approached the two; Spack and Jackie were outnumbered and would surely fall if they continued. The two decided to run, jumping over nearby obstacles and diving past the collapsing doorway. It squashed half the spiders, knowing their chances; the two fought off the villainous arachnids and were victorious.
Spack: Well fuck me.
Jackie: I’ll pass.
Spack: Pity. Let’s keep moving; the center should be right… Here?
The two found a small box and proceeded to open it, all they found inside it was a key and a new map.
Spack: Us pirates love maps that actually lead to treasure; I’m getting fucking tired of these maps.
Spack looked around and found another man inside, carrying away and bag full of gold.
Spack: Oi! Come back here!
The man ran but was easily caught due to the heavy bag of gold he carried. He was stopped by the sight of a boot just before it laid into his head.
Spack: Was that really necessary?
Jackie: Of course it was.
Spack: You kicked him in the head.
Jackie: You wouldn't have done that?
Spack: I would have knocked him in the back of the head, not causing that large of an injury.
Jackie: Too bad then, I kicked him in the head. Now, I've got the gold bag so I’m guessing you’re stuck with the body.
Spack heaved the body onto his shoulders.
Spack: This guy smells like shit.
Jackie: Looks like it too. Well, now he does.
Spack: Probably the substance leaking from his mouth.
Chapter 8 - All Around Me
Spack and Jackie returned to the docks carrying the gold over their shoulders (and even the man’s body). Jackie placed the gold and body on the ship while Spack conferred with his crew.
Spack: We have gold, we have a body and we have a map. What now?
Reaver: I don’t care what you say, we’re going to England.
Spack: But… Complaints.
Reaver: Take the shitload of complaints.
Spack: I suppose, but no killing.
Reaver: No promises.
Spack: You make a tough bargain, Reaver, I reluctantly accept.
Spack noticed a new face among his crew.
Spack: Who the fuck is he?
Hug de Car: Hug de Car.
Spack: It’s a boat, not a car and I already have. Now, what’s your name?
Hug de Car: Hug de Car. That’s my name.
Spack: Are you serious?
Hug de Car: Yes.
Spack: I hereby call you Frenchie, you’ll take it and you’ll love it.
Hug de Car: Lovely.
Spack: So, England?
Reaver: Yes, while you do that I’ll wake up this new guy here and we’ll get some info out of him.
While the crew began their journey to the great wherever, in comes a new character, a ninja if you will and a hired killer.
Raven: I must say Europe is quite a fine place, don’t you think Mr. Hannibal?
Hannibal: Indeed Raven; your target is one of the most notable members of Captain Spack Jarrows’ crew.
Raven: Give me a name and I’ll give you blood.
Raven: Your bidding shall be done.
Raven scanned the area and noticed something; guns. On each of the men surrounding them.
Raven: When I whistle, head under the table.
Raven: Trust me.
Raven noticed the draw of guns and so, he whistled and laid down a bomb filling the air with a blinding smoke and giving him time to strike. The sound of men falling was heard and soon all that remained was one man. Raven was back in his chair sipping a cup of tea and eating his scone.
Random Hitman: Time to finish my task.
He placed the gun on the back of Raven’s head and fired, the head dropped but this being was not Raven.
Random Hitman: What trickery is this? If I cannot bring home the corpse of ‘The Raven’ then I’ll bring home the corpse of Hannibal.
It was that moment when the random Hitman felt the wisp of a knife against his throat. The Hitman dropped down to the ground and Hannibal emerged from underneath the table.
Hannibal: Well that was close.
Raven: That’s why I’m the best.
Hannibal: You have your target Raven, now go and bring me Reaver’s head.
Back to the crew, Reaver felt a chill run down his spine and shrugged it off while confronting the “captive.”
Reaver: Who are you?
Captive: Who wants to know?
Reaver: Do you want to play this game?
Captive: You’re forcing me to.
Reaver: I’m the strongest person in this crew, you got knocked out by a lady, imagine a whole platoon smacking you with my dick.
Captive: The name’s Roger, Roger Stevenson.
Reaver: Who are you working for?
Roger: What makes you think I’m working for anyone?
Reaver: The fact that your wallet has a special insignia and so do your pants.
Roger: Pants are Calvin; wallet is hand-stitched by my me-ma.
Reaver about to smack Roger was interrupted by the sight of a man peeking through the window and scaling the ship.
Reaver: What the fuck?
Reaver exited the cabin and entered the outside. The man came aboard the ship but was greeted by Reaver, a fight ensued and all seemed to be over for Reaver. A gunshot had been heard and soon the man was gasping for air on the ground.
Spack: I’m a camper, sue me.
Spack placed down the rifle and walked up to the downed man who gripped his shoulder in agony.
Spack: Who are you?
Pirate Hunter: I’m a pirate hunter, I sail the seas with the twins on my ship and kill any pirate that comes into sight.
Reaver: Twins eh? I’ll be right back.
Spack: What gave away that we were pirates?
Pirate Hunter: The huge symbol on your banner.
Spack: Well I’ll be, never noticed that.
Pirate Hunter: So, this is the part where you lock me up.
Spack: Oh no, no no no. Jackie, finish him.
Jackie walked up to the Pirate Hunter and placed her boot on his skull. Adding pressure, cracks started to be heard and soon the man had died.
Reaver: Oh look, a dead man, interesting.
Bella: Oh master! It was too soon.
Reaver: This is Bella and Stella, they’re twins and I don’t know who the fuck is who.
Reaver noticed something which made him grin.
Reaver: Bella has a butterfly tattoo on her left arse-cheek, remember that.
Spack: Oh, we will. Now, why are they here?
Reaver: With the loss of their master they need a new one, traditions in their culture indicate whoever eliminates their master becomes their new master.
Spack: Well, I eliminated their master Reaver, he made you his bitch and so, the women are mine.
Jackie: I finished him off, they’re mine.
Jackie: They’re mine. You two, get in the fucking cabin and I’ll address you two shortly.
Bella & Stella: Yes mistress.
Reaver: That’s so depressing.
Toppo approached Hug de Car and sat beside him.
Toppo: Why here?
Hug de Car: Hm?
Toppo: You get bitches as a waiter and you’re abandoning it now.
Hug de Car: I never liked being a waiter in Australia; the weather is so extreme, the spiders kept getting into the food and the women are just so bad now that Abbot is in charge. They’re religious nutjobs.
Toppo: It’s okay, we’re going to wear my father lived and where he fucked my mother and sister.
Hug de Car: Spain?
Toppo: Nope, England.
Hug de Car: I hear the women are quite nice there.
Toppo: Oh, you’re going to be pleasantly surprised.
Hug de Car: I bet.
Chapter 9 - Sympathy For The Devil
‘Twas a gloomy night on the seas, the latch of a hook gripped the mass of the ship. In enters Raven to complete his mission. He snuck down into the cabins, sneaking past each of them until he came across Reaver's but nobody was there. He stormed out, and checked the rest, only to find him on deck.
Reaver: I knew you would come.
Raven: It’s been awhile Reaver, I thought it would be someone else but apparently Hannibal has positioned me correctly.
Reaver: Hannibal? Toppo has warned us about that.
Raven: Another life to kill?
Unknown Voice: Who are you?
Raven turned around and saw Spack exiting the cabins.
Raven: Please allow me to introduce myself. I’m a man of wealth and taste; I've been around for some long long years and stolen many man souls and fate.
Spack: Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name, now please don't mind my PJs, I don't usually get interrupted during my sleep.
Raven: You’re Spack Jarrows, you’re supposedly clumsy but you have the military mind of a Captain. We all know how you proceeded to take down Toppo's ship.
Spack: Glad my work isn't going by unnoticed.
Raven: So you should be, but talk is cheap. Prepare to die.
Raven clasped his hands together and at a top speed he was off, diving underneath the arm of Reaver and gripping his neck. Raven quickly swerved Reaver into a position and shot his pistol over the hostage’s shoulder. Reaver laid his elbow into the stomach of Raven and swiftly swept his leg backwards and attempted to trip the Hitman but his shoulder was quickly the jumping pad for Raven who was hurdling towards Spack. Reacting quickly, Spack threw Raven to the side; causing him to crash through the door and blister his back on the wood. He got back to his feet and went onto the deck once more.
Raven: Tougher challenge than I anticipated but I won’t leave without someone’s head.
Reaver: You might have to.
Reaver: Because if you stay any longer, the crew will wake up and will begin to start the fight.
Raven: I have fought off more men than that.
Reaver: But this crew is no ordinary crew, they could put me down if they wanted to, in the blink of an eye.
The two exchanged a glance but Raven took the advice.
Raven: I guess you’re right Reaver, but let it be known, I will finish you and I will laugh.
Reaver: That doesn't sound honorable, aren't you meant to honor thy teacher?
Raven: Not if your teacher had betrayed you.
Reaver: It wasn't me! It was one miscalculation in my aiming!
Raven: You've never missed!
In the blink of an eye, Raven was gone and Reaver was left to ponder while Spack sat on the ground; confused of what had just happened.
Spack: Who was that?
Reaver: Did I ever tell you what I did before I became a pirate?
Spack: No, what did you do?
Reaver: I was a teacher; I taught kids how to fight, how to be the best and how to win.
Spack: What happened?
Reaver: I made a mistake.
Chapter 10 - Welcome to the Jungle
Night: Mentor Reaver, you may now direct your pupil to the jungle temple. The Darkness is stationed there and we don’t know what he’s planning.
Reaver: The Darkness? That's a big task, they’re brutes but we both know Raven cannot take it on.
Raven: How so, Mentor?
Reaver: You’re an agile one who takes targets with cunning speed and agility but The Darkness is a strong brute who’d snap your neck in an instance.
Reaver: Powerless unless aimed right.
Night: You’re taking him, Reaver. Discussion closed.
And so, the two left in hopes of defeating ‘The Darkness,’ a secret group of Assassins whom free-roamed the jungle side capturing slaves. Reaver and Raven arrived at the table which was buried deep within a chasm. They entered the structure and gazed at the beaming stone pillars. Whispers echoed throughout the structure and the sound of water crackled their ears.
The Darkness: Why have you come?
Raven: Where did that come from?
Reaver: Settle down Raven, it’s to distract us from our duty.
The Darkness: But you’re already doomed, why not a little chat?
Reaver: Because I’ve come to kill you.
The door behind Reaver slammed shut and emerging from one of the nearby pillars was a man. One man.
The Darkness: You wanted me, now here I am.
Reaver: You’re the “darkness”?
The Darkness: The name’s Aigle but people refer to me as; The Darkness or The Joker. I’m personally not fussed about which of the latter are my nick names.
Reaver: That’s interesting and all but you must die I am afraid.
Joker: You really think you can kill a dead man?
Reaver: I’ll rip off your head and piss down your neck.
Reaver spat in the eye of Joker and a fight ensued, a mass of men entered the area and the Apprentice and Master realized they were outnumbered. Attempting to escape, they fled through the chasm; Joker chasing them above, taking shots. Reaver took one attempt to shoot down the Darkness with his pistol but it missed. Instead, it ricocheted off the boulder, but the bullet had hit such a loose position that the chasm collapsed. Reaver outran the boulders…
Raven did not...
Spack: What happened next?
Reaver: I was convinced he was dead and was dishonourably discharged from teaching such a high-standard course. So, I became a pirate and met you.
Spack: Quite the story, you should write one.
Reaver: Oh, I will write a story.
The sound of women screeching could be heard from the decks, everybody instantly ran over to find Jackie holding two swords to the throats of Stella and Bella.
Spack: What the fuck?
Toppo: Nice tits on both of ‘em.
Ace: What’s happening?
The Doctor: Cat-fight?
Reaver: Fools, rape.
Jackie: Wrong, thanks, wrong, wrong and wrong. These two did not agree to my terms of agreements written on this contract and therefore must be disposed of.
Spack: They were slaves, probably meant for sex, what agreement would push them over the edge?
Reaver: Pass me that.
Reaver swiped the contract and read its contents carefully and thoroughly.
Reaver: Ah, I know why, it requires them for an annual monaga-something.
Hug de Car: Twa and why would that be an issue?
Stella: I’m attracted to someone else.
Bella: I’m attracted to boys, hot boys with make-up and high-voices. Reaver: You mean gays?
Bella: Yeah! I knew there was a name for those types of people.
Spack: This shouldn’t be an issue, Jackie; Steve over there is a certified sex-machine and has a PHD in sexology.
Steve (whispering): Spack, I meant STD.
Spack: Oh, that’s not good at all. Scratch that Jackie, I’m sure we’ll find someone.
Toppo: STD, really?
Steve: No, I am not gay; my uncle got a little handsy.
Reaver: As much as I love topics such as this, I must say we’re getting off track.
Spack: Why do you want this, Jackie?
Jackie: Sex is an exercise, Spack. It takes energy and can build up muscle; I want them in tip-top shape.
Reaver: Toppo will organize something on that.
Jackie: Why Toppo?
Reaver: Because Toppo knows more about sex than I.
Jackie: How do you figure?
Reaver: He’s a sexual addict.
Jackie: I don’t want him interfering in my slaves’ sex-life.
Reaver: That or nothing.
Spack: Wait, why isn't Toppo in chains?
Reaver: He’s not going anywhere; I let him out of it since his ass is on the line.
Jackie: Fine, but only this one time.
Chapter 11 - One
Toppo investigated the options for the twins and began to learn their interests. Getting to know them, he came to a realization that made him fall to the floor and laughed.
Stella: Well, he’s just different than all the other guys out there.
Toppo: He’s a freak.
Stella: He’s disturbed.
Toppo: No, he’s sadistic and cruel.
Stella: Just what I like in a man.
Toppo: There are at least a million things wrong with that statement.
Stella: Listen Toppo, if you can find a way to make him want me, I’d appreciate it and if not then I don’t need you.
Toppo: Everyone needs me, you know it and I know it.
Stella: What would you have me do?
Whilst the two were plotting, Spack could be seen up the crow’s nest where he gazed at the blooming sight of London beginning to enter his vision. He smiled for a quick second and rang the bell to signal land. Spack jumped back down to the deck and grouped up with Steve and The Doctor.
Spack: Well gentleman, land is ahead and we cannot hesitate to find this treasure.
The Doctor: I’m rather curious as to what this spot is over here.
Steve: That’s the Big Cack; its creator was Ben Cackstead. Though there have been several partitions to have it changed to “Big Ben” though I doubt it will pass.
The Doctor: Interesting.
Reaver approached the group, gazing at the land ahoy!
Reaver: I’ll not be joining you gentlemen, I've got business of my own to attend to and I fear that time may be running short for our ship.
Spack: Well, anyone up for the main reason we came here?
Hug de Car: I suppose I’ll have to do.
Spack: Excellent, you haven’t had much screen time yet.
Hug de Car: What?
Spack: Nothing, let’s move on.
The ship docked and the crew parted ways. Whilst Spack and Hug de Car went on their journey for the treasure, Reaver went along on his search for Raven and The Doctor took Steve along with him to enjoy the sights. What about Ace, Toppo, Roger and the two women? They stayed in the ship.
Ace: Allo darling, fancy givin' this soul a gobby?
Well, that escalated quickly. Now we focus on Reaver whom begins his search for Raven and his “master” of sorts.
Reaver: Raven, I know you’re here somewhere and no matter where you are, I will find you.
Raven: Oh really, Reaver? Or was it I who would find you?
Reaver: Ah, there you are, so how do you want to play this?
Raven: Take this sword.
Raven threw his former mentor a sword and commanded him to pick it up.
Reaver: Why would you hand me a sword you moron? Look at what I’m wearing; do you really think you can beat me?
Raven: That was always one of your problems, Mentor. You underestimated the smallest of people; that was your first mistake when dealing with the Darkness whom I killed.
Reaver: You killed the Darkness but I realized something Raven, what made him the Darkness? The evil that consumed him, when you killed him you became him, don't you realize? and I for that I must stop you.
Raven: You’re a coward; you left me there to die so you can save yourself.
Reaver: That’s because my life was the only one worth saving.
Raven: You’re a cunt.
Reaver: I’m also quite the fighter, come closer and I’ll show you.
Raven possessed stunning speed which allowed him to quickly manoeuvre around Reaver's body and get behind him. Reaver felt the quickening feel of a swift elbow striking against the side of his head. Raven capitalized and swept his foot; smacking Reaver in the face and putting him down to the ground. Raven retreated back and let Reaver get back to his feet.
Reaver: I now remember why I said you can’t fight brutes.
Raven: Oh really, and why is that?
Reaver: You’re weak insanely week, you have the power to put us down to the ground but not the power to finish it without use of a weapon and this is to your disadvantage.
Reaver threw his sword; resulting in a smack against Raven’s and watching it fly through the air. That brief moment that Raven had watched his weapon propel from his hand, Reaver had landed his foot into Raven’s knee and held a gun to his head.
Raven: Go on, do it and finish me off like you always wanted.
Reaver: Before I kill you, a question is all I have. What possessed you to believe that I betrayed you?
Raven: You shot a rock which trapped me; you've never missed a shot.
Reaver: Do you think I’m not human? That I don’t make mistakes?
Raven: I don’t know anymore.
Reaver: Get out of my sight and come back once you've figured it out. One more question; who’s Hannibal?
Raven: I’m not meant to give out contract information.
Reaver: Last chance.
Raven: Hannibal is a billionaire, last I heard he was heading towards some ancient ruins within the town courtyard.
Reaver: Oh, so this is where the storyline is going. Now, get out of my face and if you don’t return in two days with an answer, I’ll find you and your head will be lying on my desk as a trophy. Do I make myself clear, boy?
Raven disappeared once more whilst Reaver made haste towards the ruins within the town courtyard only to find it surrounded by Hannibal’s men.
Chapter 12 - Had Enough
Reaver spied on Hannibal’s men; detecting their movements, times and when a free space opened. He used this knowledge to advantage and sprung fourth; sneaking past the guards, slipping down a small trench hidden within a fountain and flowing through into a rat-way.
Reaver: It’s a sewer? We've been lead to a sewer?
Reaver followed the path and eventually found an excavation site hidden within the depths of ground.
Reaver: How the hell did they do this?
Reaver saw six men crowding down the ground; planning on how they’re going to break through the door. But one man caught Reaver's eye, Spack and Hug de Car!
Reaver: What the--?
Spack and Hug were seen scaling the large structure; a light glowing from the pants of Spack but it was unknown to him.
Reaver: What’s that glow? Wait a minute, the glowing orb; it’s beginning to glow even more.
Nikolai: What are you trying to say?
Reaver: It’s a compass!
Reaver: Wait, who are you?
Nikolai: Oh Reaver, you don’t just escape the Darkness.
Nikolai: Aigle was but a little pawn in my game of chess, so is Hannibal and all the others but you won’t be left to find out who they are.
Reaver: You son of a bitch.
Reaver felt the grasp of Nikolai’s hand clenching his throat. Nikolai continued to tighten his grip until Reaver's eyes closed and the only thing he heard was silence. He let off a huge grin and stowed the body away in a deserted sewer line, closing off all entry and leaving Reaver to die.
Nikolai: He had to be taken out, surely he would've found out about my plans and that’s something I would rather avoid.
While Nikolai proceeded to follow through with his plans, Monkay had rallied up a large troop force and began to storm the docks. Toppo looked through the window of the lower decks and the guards quickly caught his eye.
Toppo: Monkay, how did he find out that we were here? Shit, I've got to rally the others.
Toppo leaped out of his cabin and began to scour for the others. He could hear the clack of steel studded boots on the hardwood floors and could listen to the sudden loading of guns and cannons.
Toppo: Guys, meet me up at the deck, this urgent! The people on board gathered at the deck, Toppo smiled and laughed.
Toppo: We have an issue here but no matter, I've gone through worse and I’m sure you guys are intelligent.
Ace: What if I don’t want to help?
Toppo: I was tasked to kill you when I was a Captain of this ship, by Hannibal because you failed and do you know who this man is?
Ace: Of course not.
Toppo: This is one of his top men, his name is Monkay and he’s always up for some warfare. I’ll chuck you to him and you can try your chances but I don’t recommend it.
Ace: As you wish.
Jackie: What would you have us do?
Toppo: That’s a very good question; take Bella and Stella, load the cannons and prepare to fire.
Jackie: Are you crazy, that’ll blow the dock to pieces.
Toppo: We’re not going to fire them. Ace, I’m trusting you now; this is the most important part of all, take Roger up here and hold him as hostage. I cannot stress this enough, do not kill him!
Ace: What are you planning?
Toppo: Shut the fuck up and do what I say. While those fuckwits are away, I’m king so let’s do this.
The crew did as Toppo commanded them; Jackie and the twins prepared the cannons, loading each and every one of them up, Ace pulled Roger from his locked cabin and held the knife to his throat and as for Toppo, he was making his way to behind the enemy. Monkay and his men stood there and gazed at the hostage situation taking place. Ace saw Toppo hiding in the bushes and giving him a thumbs up, Ace instantly knew what the “de facto” Captain was up to.
Monkay: Stop, in the name of Hannibal, if you do anything hasty, we will be inclined to hold you against your will and slit your throat.
Ace: Not a wise move, surely you know this man and what he means to you. Is he worth losing?
Monkay: Isn't any man worth losing?
Ace: I knew you may say that so I counteract that with this; are you worth losing?
Monkay: Man down men, what do you mean?
Ace: I mean that I have 3 extremely hot and deadly women down there who have loaded each and every one of these cannons.
Monkay: Women? Ha, why would we be afraid of women?
Toppo: You mean “why would you be afraid of women”?
Monkay looked back to see his whole platoon lying face down on the floor without any signs of life. Toppo laughed heavily at Monkay and smirked.
Toppo: What’s wrong, Monkay? Afraid of what’s going to happen next? You should be.
Monkay: You’re a traitor, Toppo! Hannibal won’t let you do this!
Toppo: Hannibal isn't my biggest issue right now; my biggest issue is finding a way to reach Reaver.
Monkay: How come?
Toppo: That’s for me to know.
Monkay: You bitch.
Toppo: Though I do want to know something.
Toppo: How did you find us?
Monkay: This ship is a military ship in a public port; we've been receiving complaints all day!
Toppo: Ah, thanks. Ace, bring him on board and prepare to interrogate him and Roger.
Monkay: How did you know about, Roger?
Toppo: He caved.
Monkay: Of course he did, now what do you want?
Toppo: That’s for me to figure out.
Chapter 13 – Wanted Dead Or Alive?
Monkay confessed all he knew with a little convincing, explaining about the golden orb being referred to as ‘the Apple’ and what Hannibal had planned,
Monkay: You have 3 choices Toppo; rescue Steve and The Doctor, rescue Reaver or rescue Spack and de Car.
Toppo: Reaver can handle himself and I’m sure the Doc with Steve will be safe. Spack is a fucking moron so I guess I need to pull his ass out of the fire.
Toppo rushed towards the ruins and discovered Spack and Hug de Car above a temple-like structure. Toppo noticed a glow coming from the pants of Spack.
Toppo: The Apple! Spack, use the Apple to open the door.
Spack: The what?
Hug de Car gazed at the glowing coming from Spack’s pockets.
Hug de Car: Spack, there’s a light coming out of your pants.
Spack: That’s just my penis. Wait a minute, did you say light?
Spack looked down and soon raised the Apple into the air. Toppo mouthed to Spack, ‘open that fucking door!’ Spack acknowledged it and forcefully used the Apple to open the door.
Hug de Car: Let me try it.
Hug de Car grasped the Apple and felt a pulse beginning to twist his body. He faced the door and noticed it began to open, Toppo reached for the bow on his back.
Spack: Come on, Toppo!
Toppo: I’m not going, your crew needs me up there and you guys need to find that goddamned treasure! But these bastards down there aren’t going to give up.
Toppo: This is going to be just like in the movies.
Toppo aimed carefully at loose rocks but was knocked off balance by an eruption. The rocks soon collapsed and Toppo pulled an awesome escape scene, he gazed back up into the light and found the boulder had gone over the land and caused the eruption.
Toppo: Fuck you so much boulder, you stole my thunder you cunt!
The story pans onto Reaver now, awakening from his slumber to find himself in the sewer prison which had been caved in.
Reaver: Nikolai? Toppo? Spack?
Raven: No, not them, only me.
Reaver turned around to face Raven but nobody was there; just a puddle of water and a corpse of a rat. The two exchanged in unfriendly banter and Raven revealed himself; the two began to show-down but in the end, the winner was Reaver. Reaver was interrupted by the sight of his master, Night.
Reaver: Night, what an unexpected surprise.
Night: I was told I could find my target here, and so I have.
Reaver: Excellent, Raven here was just about to die.
Night: Oh, but Raven isn’t my target, you are!
Reaver: Oh, this is just rich.
Night: You betrayed everything we stood for; you’re trying to kill your pupil.
Reaver: On the contrary, he’s trying to kill me.
Night: You broke your oath about harming an innocent.
Reaver: The oath is pointless; we’re hired to kill innocents.
Night: Wrong, the kills are justified!
Reaver: Open your eyes.
Night: They’re more open than you’ll ever know.
Reaver: You’ll not listen to reason and so, I’ll shut your eyes completely.
Then and there, Reaver laid Night to waste but Raven had disappeared and taken the body with him. Reaver proceeded to find a way out and made his way back to the ship; battered and beaten.
Chapter 14 – New Leaf
Toppo stood on the ship, gazing at the British land which laid before him. He sighed and faced the crew.
Toppo: As much as I hate to admit it, we need to leave and we can’t sit around waiting for Spack.
Ace: What are you saying?
Toppo: What I’m saying is that we’re going to take off in a couple of hours.
Monkay: Oh, I’m afraid you’ll find that to be quite impossible.
Toppo: How did you get out?
Monkay: I had a little help from Mr. Stevenson over there.
Roger: I believe I owe you some payback “Captain”
Toppo: You don’t understand, if we leave now we can escape Spack and all them.
Monkay: Escape? We know you don’t want to escape Spack and his crew. You want to escape Hannibal, and he’ll be here shortly.
Toppo: I killed him, he was in the ruins.
Monkay: He was never in the ruins; Nikolai was in charge of the operation.
Out of the shadows came Nikolai, a gun in one hand and bottle in the other.
Nikolai: Indeed I was, luckily I got out in time.
Toppo: You son of a bit—
Toppo felt the smack of cold steel strike his cheek and his body hit the floor. He awoke in a dimly-lit room with the crew by his side. Meanwhile Reaver was making his way back to the ship, doing cool flips and shit to return there.
He found the ship over-run by guards. Reaver: I leave for 2 fucking days and this happens, excellent.
Nikolai: Oh it is, isn’t it?
Nikolai approached Reaver from behind, grinning as he held a steel chain in his hand. Reaver went to strike but Nikolai dodged and held the chain around Reaver’s neck.
Nikolai: You know nothing of what you interfere with and you never will. I’ll say this one more time and you better fucking listen, don’t mess with my plans or I will fucking murder you.
Reaver: I will… find you… and I’ll… kill you…
Reaver’s vision turned to black and he awoke in the night on a horse which didn’t seem to be going anywhere. He just continued to ride off unknowing of where he may end up. Steve continued to zoom past the crowd, escaping the guards and eventually locating the docks. He snuck in, throwing himself into the crowd and snuck around the docks in hopes of finding a suitable entrance to the well-guarded ship. Steve: Let’s see, the crow’s nest only contains one man in there so if I boarded and climbed to there I’d have a good visual on the guards of the ship, but how to get up to there? There are no guards around the bowsprit so maybe I could get that way.
A random stranger turned to face Steve.
Random Stranger #43: Who are you talking to?
Steve: Nobody, nobody.
Random Stranger #43: Are you sure? It sounds like you’re talking to someone.
Steve: No, not at all.
So Steve followed through with his plan and ventured to the bowsprit and soon began his climb to the crow’s nest. He gripped onto a jacket of a nearby guard and hauled him from the nest. All the way from there he could hear the sound of the man’s spine breaking. Toppo scanned around the secluded room and noticed someone was missing.
Toppo: Hold the fuck up, where’s Jackie?
Monkay: That’s a good question.
Monkay ran up to the top deck as quick as he could, looking around for the vanished woman. Steve noticed Monkay down below and dropped down on him; swooping through the sky like an eagle but dropping on him like an elephant. The guards gathered around, Steve ripped Monkay’s gun from his hands and pulled him and his hostage to their feet.
Steve: Don’t make a fucking move you motherfucker.
Monkay: Do what he says!
Steve stepped back with Monkay and began to set foot on the bowsprit.
Nathaniel Gladwin: Why? We’ve orders to eliminate anyone who tries to escape at any means necessary.
Monkay: Who do you think pays your salary, Sergeant Gladwin?
Nathaniel: Not you, Hannibal does and plus; I’ve been gunning for your position for years, so killing you is just a bonus.
Monkay: You wouldn’t dare, there are witnesses all around us.
Nathaniel: Ah but you see general, they never cared for you either and you’re just expendable to Hannibal.
Nathaniel held the gun up high and prepared to shoot.
Steve: Shit, he’s really going to do it.
Monkay: I’ll find you Gladwin and I will end you.
Steve saw an opportunity rises as he fired one shot in the air and used the distraction to fire a shot at Nathaniel. It missed…
Nathaniel: Shouldn’t have done that boy. Men, get him.
Nathaniel: Men? Get him!
All the men had gone but one person stood with a gun held in her hand and a smile as she placed her finger on the trigger. Nathaniel evaded the shot and escaped without a dint on him.
Monkay: You saved me, why?
Steve: Get off this ship.
Monkay: Wait, where’s Nikolai?
Steve: I couldn’t care less, get off the ship.
Jackie: No ‘thank you’, Steve?
Steve: Thanks, but we have bigger problems.
Jackie: What do you mean?
Steve: They have the Doc.
Chapter 15 – The Imperial March
Jackie and Steve went down and released the crew; Toppo wiped the dust from his suit and freed the rest.
Toppo: We good to leave?
Steve: Leave? Why would we leave?
Toppo: Because Hannibal is sure to find us and I’d rather avoid a conflict with the man.
Jackie: That’s the most stupid idea I’ve ever heard of.
Steve: How so?
Jackie: Well for one; we don’t have a doctor, a chef or a proper captain.
Toppo: Proper captain? Ahem…
Jackie: Do you really think nobody will turn on you; the thing with Spack is that he barely does anything and doesn’t abuse his power? You however; the sight of power and you were giving orders to everyone.
Toppo: To save the ship.
Jackie: Then you were going to leave without the others, you don’t care for the crew and you even used Ace as bait.
Toppo: No real danger.
Jackie: We’re not leaving, Topps, end of story.
Toppo: And as for chef, you’re a woman so you can cook.
Jackie reached out her blade and in the blink of an eye; it was preparing to be shoved in Topps’ throat.
Jackie: One more remark and I’ll rip off your balls with a steak-knife.
Toppo: You’re holding it to my throat.
Jackie: Doesn’t mean I can’t cut off your balls.
Toppo: Whatever, what would you have me do then?
Jackie: Hide this ship, use the twins to help you and use the row-boat down in the lower decks to return to the docks. We’ll regroup with you at the Heartbreak Hotel when we have the Doctor.
Toppo: Noted, Madam Bitch-fit.
Jackie: And Topps…
Jackie: Steal the ship and kiss your cock goodbye.
Toppo: I wish I could kiss my cock goodbye.
Jackie: It’ll be possible if you steal the ship.
Toppo: Well shit…
While Toppo went on to do his task, Jackie and Steve went to retrieve the Doctor. It showed them to a fairly tall building which was intimidating at the sight.
Jackie: This where he is?
Steve: Yes, the doors are barred in and there’s no way to climb.
Jackie: I’d suggest the cannons but Toppo has probably bought our ship to a hiding spot by now.
Steve: Then we’ll have to improvise.
Jackie: What are you planning?
Steve: We disguise ourselves as one of their couriers which are scattered throughout the city and we speak to a mongrel captain whom would be stupid enough to fire their cannon at land and wage war on a country.
While the two plotting, Nathaniel returned to Hannibal with news of Monkay’s “betrayal”.
Hannibal: So Monkay betrayed and killed your squadron?
Nathaniel: Indeed. He intends to kill you once given the chance.
Monkay entered the room, panting from the long run.
Nathaniel: Bullshit, you left my men for dead and held a man as a hostage.
Monkay: Hannibal, please believe me, I have no intention of betrayal.
Nathaniel: He does. Trust me sir, I’m more fit for the general position than he is.
Monkay: No he’s not!
Nathaniel: I am, look into your heart, you know it to be true.
Hannibal: Enough, I’m sick of this pointless banter.
Hannibal pulled out a small pistol and faced it in between Monkay and Nathaniel. He pushed his finger on the trigger and all that could be seen was blood pouring from Monkay’s leg.
Hannibal: I don’t like being used, you hear me you bitch? I won’t take this betrayal lightly and neither will you. I still remember telling me.
Monkay: No, not that. Please, not that!
Hannibal: Nathaniel and Nikolai, prepare the pistol-finger treatment.
Nathaniel: Yes sir.
Hannibal: And Nathaniel, congratulations on your promotion.
Nathaniel: Thank you sir and Monkay.
Nathaniel: Prepare your anus.
Ah but this tale hasn’t seen the likes of Spack and Hug de Car for a while, what happened to them? Well, inside the temple ruins.
Spack: So what you mean to say is; that this Golden Orb seems to be working as a compass?
Hug de Car: Apparently, but the main question is what are we meant to be looking for? This is just an empty room with some blue glow around it.
Spack: There’s nothing here, this whole journey has been wasted for nothing and now what do we have to show for it? We’re caved in, Hug!
Spack threw himself down to the ground and punched it as hard as he could but suddenly, a wild idea appears.
Spack: Quick, pass me the Apple!
Hug de Car threw Spack the Apple. He gripped it firmly and raised it high, the ground started to shake and the floor began to crumble. But I’m going to fuck with you and cut to what’s happening with Steve who has arrived at the docks.
Steve: There’s a German Captain over there, the Brits will always forgive Germany so they’ll find no problem with them firing.
So he proceeded with the plan and the German began to fire at the tall building with a large ass clock on it. Steve nodded and Jackie began to move inside, only to find a skeleton with a white coat.
She looked around and saw a trail of powder which the Doc would usually take with him. It was a path that goes out a window and she let off a large grin. The sight of troops marching can be seen and they’re heading for the Docks.
Jackie: THE DOC’S ALIVE!
Chapter 16 – Nowhere To Run
Deep within the temple ruins, Spack and Hug de Car were wandering around aimlessly; they escaped the trap successfully and continued their journey until they reached the final room of the temple.
Spack: What’s this room meant to be?
A strange figure appeared out of dust, a man of sorts whose body was surrounded by an illuminating glow. The Apple shined at the sight and alas, the man began to speak.
Jupiter: I am Jupiter, one of Those Who Came Before!
Spack: Yeah, we don’t know what that is.
Jupiter: What? Wait, you don’t look like a monkey! Where’s Desmond?
Hug de Car: Who’s Desmond?
Jupiter: I knew those fucking twats mislead me, I could’ve warned Desmond to stop him from touching that Sphere to avoid butthurt fans but no, Minerva fucking misleads me.
Spack: Anything for us?
Jupiter: Take this from me; it’s a message to give to your crew, Spack.
Spack: Wait, you know who I am?
Jupiter: Of course I do, I’m a fucking god!
Jupiter soon vanished but not before leaving a map along with a note detailing the plans of Hannibal, Spack was astonished at the note and showed it to Hug de Car. They browsed and began to plan whilst finding an exit to the temple. Meanwhile Toppo was eating a sandwich at the docks where he was confronted by a tired Reaver.
Reaver: I just walked from fucking Russia to get back to this shit hole and my horse died along the way so I had to carry all this shit with me.
Reaver: And then I ran into her whom showed me the way back.
Reaver escorted Stella into the area but Bella was nowhere to be found.
Stella: Any idea where Bella is?
Toppo: Last time I saw her she was giving Ace a gobby.
Reaver: Anyway, what have I missed?
Toppo: Nothing, just a hostile takeover where Ace was violated repeatedly.
Reaver: Ah, so no change?
Toppo: Pretty much.
In the distance Toppo noticed Jackie and The Doc returning to the ship. Once they had arrived Toppo called a meeting with Reaver, Jackie, The Doc and Steve in the captain’s cabin in a nearby cave.
Toppo: We cannot wait any longer for Spack and Hug to arrive.
Reaver: What are you saying, Toppo?
Toppo: I say we elect a new captain and we ditch those two.
Jackie: I think you guys have forgotten the main reason we came here, the treasure.
Steve: She’s a woman but she’s right. We can’t just leave those two without knowing what they found.
The Doctor: I happen to agree with Toppo, each time we linger is more time for them to get the better of us.
Steve: It’s two for two, Reaver, what do you think?
Reaver: As much as I hate Spack as a captain, curiosity gains the better of me. We won’t leave those two behind without knowing what they had discovered; we came too far for this.
Toppo: This is going to be bad for us.
While they discussed their next move, Hannibal’s move had started at his personal docking station.
Hannibal: I want Nathaniel and Nikolai to go back to those ruins and find another damn way in. I’m not losing this to a bunch of Australian faggots! I’ll burn down their homes where it stands and I’ll laugh while doing so. They will pay for this trouble! They will!
Nikolai: Is that really why you’re going to Australia?
Hannibal: Fuck no; I’m going to get a newer treasure called a fine nights lay, that and a treasure hidden deep within Uluru.
Nathaniel: That big red rock?
Hannibal: It originally looked like a cock you know, but butthurt citizens saw it as offensive and got part of it demolished.
With that, Nathaniel and Nikolai wandered the streets while Spack and Hug de Car had just found their exit.
Spack: That was so dark, seriously, how many bloody cobwebs were there?
Nikolai sees the Captain and seizes him by the neck, his arms beginning to tense.
Nikolai: Where is it?
Spack: Who are you?
Nikolai: You don’t need to know, where’s the Apple?
Spack: I don’t know!
Nathaniel clutched Hug’s neck fairly tightly and smiled a fair bit.
Nathaniel: I can kill you where you stand you little pest, tell us what we want to know and you may live.
Spack: Don’t do it.
Nikolai: Hannibal won’t care if you die you know.
Spack: Give me a name.
Nikolai: The name’s Nikolai, why?
Spack: Because you’ll be dead within 5 weeks.
Nikolai: Oh really, and whom will kill me? Reaver? I can snap his neck.
Hug de Car: It’s in Spack’s pocket.
Spack: What are you doing?!
Nikolai laughed and found the glowing orb within Spack’s pockets, just as Hug de Car had said. Spack and Hug de Car shoved their elbows into the chest of both their opponents and began to run. This chase leads the four throughout the city and soon found them on the edge of a cliff which had the boat stationed beneath it.
Nathaniel: He’s going to rape you before you die you know?
Nathaniel: Hannibal, but he’s nothing put a pawn in our game of chess. The other Templars shall see him eliminated and we shall gain control.
Hug de Car: We don’t know what they are, what is so important that we need to be involved?
Spack: All we wanted was treasure and you guys started chasing us like a couple of madmen.
Spack placed his hand on Hug’s chest and pulled him down off the cliff. The two fell into the clutches of their ship which was taking off, the two landed within a hay-bale.
Nathaniel: Your ass is ours!
Reaver: What the actual fuck?
Toppo: Men, take us home!
Toppo turned around, noticing Spack and Hug de Car had gotten aboard the ship.
Toppo: Spack, we thought you guys were goners.
Spack: Questions come later; we need to get to Hannibal’s private docks.
Toppo: That’s so stupid, why do we need to go there?
Spack: They’re leaving there now and we need to be there.
Spack: Because this note that a God gave us says so.
Toppo: What then?
Spack: We attack.
Toppo: If they’re at a dock then they’d be going somewhere, where?
Hug de Car: Australia.
Toppo: Then why not just go there and assault them by surprise and in a clear environment instead of a heavily guarded fortress.
Reaver: Wait, you said a “God” talked to you?
Spack: Yeah, one of Those Who Came Before.
Reaver: Suspicious, we’ll talk about it later.
Ace climbed up to the top of the deck with Bella whom had stained clothes.
Ace: I’m ready to resume duty; I’ll head up to the crow’s nest and keep an eye out.
And so he did, he climbed the ladder and scanned the area but one large warship caught his gaze.
Ace: There’s a ship Captain!
Toppo: What’s it called?
Ace: The SS RudderLover.
Toppo: Fuck, that’s Hannibal’s ship, though only one person could possibly manoeuvre such a behemoth.
Toppo: His name is Christoff El Sto, he was a close affiliate of mine, and you could say we were brothers but he soon copped out for more than money. He wanted reason.
Reaver: What a pussy, but we have bigger problems.
Spack: Put the ship into full sail, hand over the wheel and I’ll take us round.
A storm was brewing and the thunder shot down into the ocean at an alarming rate. The ship tried to fight through wind but couldn’t, one sound could be heard and that was the sound of a cannon firing into the ship.
Spack: Fuck, I can’t fight the rogue winds and we’re taking too much heavy fire from that bloody monstrosity to the sea. Steve and Jackie; you two accompany me down into the lower decks to get the life-boats, Reaver can take the wheel and try to buy us time and Toppo, take the girls and handle the cannons.
The groups dispatched and tried to take on the Dutch RudderLover, Spack and his group moved down into the lower decks, which was slowly flooding, and grabbed the life-boats. Cannonballs blew the crew apart and left Spack stranded onto one half of the lower decks.
Spack: Take the life-boats and go, I’ll regroup with you guys later.
The 3 groups re-joined with the exception being Spack and they all contemplated what to do.
Toppo: Alright, while Spack is not here I am in charge; deploy those life-boats on the blind side of the ship.
Stella: Blind side?
Toppo: The side nobody can see.
Toppo: We’ll wait a couple minutes and hope that Spack gets out saf—Go! Go! Go!
The crew jumped in the boats and waited for Spack to return to the deck. He found them all aboard the life-boats and stopped for a moment.
Stella: Get in!
Spack: I can’t, if they see an empty ship than they’ll still be after us, I can’t let that happen! It’s been good serving with you guys but this is my end.
Reaver: Spack; let me go, just don’t do it.
Reaver: Fuck no; I’m more important to the group than you are.
Spack: The thought was there.
Reaver: No. No it wasn’t.
The group sailed off and Spack sat there contemplating.
Spack: Fuck, I should’ve gone since we’ll surely clash in Australia anyway. While I’m here though…
Spack grabbed the wheel and steered the ship in the direction of the Dutch RudderLover. It was too fast though and swiftly swerved past Spack’s ship but not before a new opponent leaped onto the ship. Spack was pushed to the side by the force of the ship getting struck by a cannon ball. He sat there bleed and suffering while this new person approached.
Spack: Who the hell are you?
Busty: My name is Busty Sprucemeister, I’m a colonel for Hannibal’s army but I’m sure you already know that.
Spack: Oh, you’re cool. I can tell by the name.
Busty: So I’m told, eventually you’ll never find out.
Spack: How so?
Busty: Because I’m going to kill you.
Spack: No. No you’re not.
Busty: How’s that?
Spack threw himself overboard and found himself sinking aimlessly. The rest of the crew found themselves in Sydney, Australia where they had entered the docks. But Spack was nowhere to be found.
Chapter 17 – The Eagle Rock Part 1
The crew were unsure of what would become of each of them and some had trouble facing the realities of their captain’s fate.
Steve: We need to wait for him!
Reaver: Shut up, Steve. You need to face facts that there is no way Spack could’ve survived an onslaught from Hannibal’s military ship.
Steve: But he surely would have had a plan—
Toppo: It’s done and now I will captain this crew!
Reaver: The hell you will, out of all the people here, I am the best candidate to lead these people.
Toppo: Out of all the others here I am the only one that has been a captain.
Reaver: I am leading these guys whether you’re up for it or not.
Toppo: I’ll kill you where you stand, Reaver.
Reaver: Not if I kill you first.
The two seemed as if they were going to rip each other to shreds but they were stopped by Jackie who forced her hands onto their chests to push them away.
Jackie: Enough! We don’t have time for this; we need to think of where to go.
Hug de Car: Uluru (pronounced “o-leh-rew” in France) is where we need to go. Apparently something of great importance is inside that rock but what it is remains a mystery.
Steve: I can’t go on guys, I just can’t.
Ace: Shut up you whining little stooge.
Reaver: How have I not snapped your neck yet, Ace?
Ace: Because I’ve remained quiet this whole fucking trip and am sick of it. I’m sick of being your fucking puppet to guide around, I’m done!
Reaver: What are you saying?
Ace: I’m saying that I will not be joining you fags either, I’m finished.
Ace threw his arms in the air angrily and began to walk down the docks in the opposite direction f where the crew needed to be. Reaver steadily lined a shot at the back of Ace’s head but was stopped by Stella.
Stella: Stop, we don’t need another death today.
Reaver looked deep into Stella’s eyes and withdrew his gun. He sighed for a moment and sat down.
Reaver: We all need a break, if I know this area correctly and sadly; I do. There should be a hotel around an hour away from here.
The crew (excluding Steve who remained at the docks) walked on foot to the hotel and settled in for the night, nobody slept though and who could blame them? Toppo and Reaver awoke to the sight of people gathered around in a circle.
Reaver: What the devil is this?
Bella: We’ve decided on a new captain.
Toppo: What the fuck is this bullshit? I’m Captain, now get some fucking sleep.
Jackie: No, I’m Captain. We’ve all decided, you guys bicker too much and would hate the other either way and I am a lay, nobody hates a lady except other ladies.
Chapter 18 – The Eagle Rock Part 2
Deep into the desert sands of the Australian outback was a body which had washed ashore, laying within the sand and eventually awakening.
Spack: What? Where am I? Why am I surrounded by sand?
He looked up and noticed a small cliché western village in the distance with people lining up in the stables on their kangaroos.
Spack: Ah, Austria.
Curious about the little town, Spack investigated it and found himself to a large Town Hall which seemed fairly old and crumbling. There he found the Mayor in a meeting with a familiar face.
Raven: Jarrows, what brings you to this fine establishment?
Spack: Why are you being so formal?
Raven: Why it’s quite simple, this man right here is… was my hit.
Spack: Why did you kill the mayor of such a small Austrian town?
Raven: Austrian? You mean Australian?
Spack: No, this is Austria.
Raven: Australia, there are kangaroos here; you seriously don’t know your own country?
Spack: It’s just not the same since the Abbot got to power.
Raven: Why are you here?
Spack: I’m looking for a large rock; I’d think you’d be too.
Raven: I’m tracking my target at the moment.
Raven: Given the opportunity I will kill him but no; I’ve been enlisted by some people to kill a highly wanted jewel thief.
Raven: You know him quite well; perhaps we could form a truce.
Spack: It depends on who it is.
Raven: Harold Billson.
Spack: I don’t know who that is.
Spack: What a fucking stupid name.
Raven: So is it a deal?
Spack: Why should I accept this? You have tried to kill us endlessly.
Raven: It’s either that or I kill you now.
Spack: Well, I guess that means we’re working together. What do you propose?
Raven: We discuss what we know.
Raven: Where he’s going is a start?
Spack: A large rock going by the name of Uluru, apparently there’s an object of great power which Hannibal wishes to obtain.
Raven: Object of great power?
Spack: I don’t know, but we’re going to take him down once and for all there. But we’re not enough to take them down; we need to rally some people.
Raven: There’s a whole town to rally, I did just kill their mayor after all and they’ll be seeking aid once their houses burn.
Spack: Houses burning? What are you saying?
Raven: Never you mind, I’ll just not be seen whilst doing it.
Spack: There’s got to be an easier way.
Raven: If there’s a simpler way then burning down some houses to recruit people to a good cause then I am all ears.
Spack: Maybe we should knock on some doors instead of you know, burning down innocent people’s houses.
Raven: Do you really think people take kindly to knocking on their doors anywhere? It’s annoying when retarded religious people knock on their doors just imagine someone saying “Hi, we’re here to recruit you to the good cause.”
Spack: Better than burning down their homes.
Raven: I will slit your throat you know?
Spack: Fine, but there better be more than 1 person.
Raven: Easily done.
Spack witnessed the town burn to the ground and 7 of its residents came crawling out of their homes. Raven returned to Spack without any knowledge.
Raven: Oh no, such a tragedy has befallen your village.
Garred: Where shall we go?
Spack: You guys may come with us but you may lead into battle.
Garred: It is convenient how you say this and appear after our houses are burned down.
Spack: Come with us or don’t see if we care…
Garred: I’m a dancer; the only type of battle I engage in is the battle of music and feet.
Raven: Wow that is really gay. Either way, come with us or die; your choice.
Spack: I thought your kind was meant to be peaceful, Raven? That is what Reaver had told me of your kind.
Raven: I see no reason to be peaceful anymore; I’m just a Hitman nowadays.
Spack: You can be so much more though.
Raven: What, an Assassin? No thanks.
Spack: When did an Assassin ever become a part of the topic?
Raven: You still do not know?
Spack: No what?
Raven: The Assassins are a secret organization that opposes another secret organization known as the Templars. Hannibal is a puppet of the Templars and I’ve been ordered to finish him off.
Spack: It’s a long road to Uluru, explain to me along the way but it sounds so secretive.
Raven: That it is, let me explain to you their whole story and how we come into the picture.
Spack: Lead on and these people will follow.
Chapter 19 – The Eagle Rock Part 3
Whilst this new “crew” of sorts embarked on their adventure, Hannibal and his men made way to Uluru by carriage.
Hannibal: I still can’t believe you let him jump off with the Apple, Busty.
Busty: I’m sorry; I didn’t think he’d throw himself overboard.
Hannibal: No, you never think.
Busty: Out of all the people here, I don’t think?
Busty: No seriously, I don’t think?
Hannibal: That is correct; now let us continue on our way. We should be nearing this giant rock.
Nathaniel: Nikolai, when will we execute the plan?
Nikolai: When the time is right Nathaniel, when the time is right.
Whilst their carriage continued down to the rock; as did the carriage of Captain Jackie and her crew.
Toppo: Not even we can take on a crew that size, we need more people.
Reaver: We’ll be fine.
Toppo: How do you figure?
Reaver: A little bird told me not to worry.
A few days passed and eventually the two carriages met but one of the crews had gotten a head start up to the top of the rock.
Reaver: Come on, Hannibal and his men are already ascending up Uluru.
Jackie: Then let’s go; time is too precious to waste.
Reaver: Shouldn’t we have a plan before we attack.
Toppo: Screw plans, let’s go.
Bella: But my feet hurt.
Stella: I’m tired.
Toppo: Then stay here, whining bitches you are.
The crew was reduced to 4 members; Reaver, The Doctor, Jackie and Toppo. They began to scale the boiling hot rocks and had trouble navigating through and around the rock. Though their numbers were limited, a new “crew” was on their way at astonishing speed. But on top of Uluru was a steel hatch which refused to open for Hannibal.
Hannibal: Damn it, why won’t you open?
Nikolai: Because I have the Apple.
Hannibal looked back towards Nikolai whom was standing there with the Apple in one hand and a gun in the other.
Hannibal: Why, brother?
Nikolai: You may not call me brother, Hannibal.
Hannibal: I took an oath though; I swore allegiance to the New World.
Nikolai: You still do not understand? We used you.
Hannibal: I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. Men?
Busty: We do not serve you, Harold.
Hannibal: Don’t you dare call me that name.
Nathaniel: Hannibal is such a gay name though, could be worse though, you could be called Harry.
Hannibal: You bastards, every one of you will pay! This I swe—
The cold steel of a bullet split through the head of Hannibal and all that was seen was the body smacking against the boiling hot rock.
Nikolai: Talk is cheap, steel is not. Let’s get inside, we’re close to our destination men and guys, may the father of understand guide each and every one of you.
Busty: I’ll remain outside and make sure no unwanted people enter.
Nikolai: As you wish, come along men.
Nikolai raised the Apple up high and opened the hatch which could apparently not be closed. While Nikolai and his men entered the chambers, Jackie’s crew arrived to the top and found Hannibal dead on the floor.
Reaver: So it’s finally done then? The darkness killed Hannibal?
Busty: Darkness is such an exaggerated term for a Templar is it not?
Reaver: I could explain it but we don’t have time to explain the story.
Busty: We will win Reaver; none of your kind can prevent this from occurring. Not you, not Spack or anyone else. Nobody can stop the Templars.
The Doctor: Can someone tell us what’s happening?
Reaver: It’s too complicated for such a simple mind.
Busty: This is true, though Reaver, do you remember me?
Reaver: I’ll never forget those eyes, Joker.
Busty: Excellent, but it’s not Joker anymore.
Reaver: Then who is it?
Busty: The name’s Busty Sprucemeister now, had it changed once my identity as Aigle was compromised.
Reaver: I’m sick of your voice now; let’s fight like men instead of talking like queers.
A fight ensued with Busty and the crew, Busty lashed out ferociously at the 4 and it seemed as though he would win. As he was about to lay a knife into The Doctor; a knife smashed into Busty’s back and Sprucemeister fell down to the ground in agony. He slid away, pressing his back against a part of the rock which could support him.
Spack: You are a good throw, Raven.
The crew (with the exception of Raven) gazed at each other and eventually noticed the seven newer members.
The Doctor: Who are these seven?
Spack: Newer members we found in a burnt village.
The Doctor: Remind me to check you people once we’re all done.
Busty: They’re in there. That little hatch leads inside the temple but before you enter, take me with you people.
Spack: Why should we trust you? Oh, by the way, I’m relieving whoever was in charge during my absence of command.
Busty: Because I can’t do any harm in this condition, please.
Spack: We’ll do it.
Toppo: Are you kidding me, Spack? He almost killed the Doc.
Spack: Yeah but the Doc’s alive.
Up onto the hill came Steve whom seemed happy to see Spack alive, but something was wrong. What appeared to be a knife could be seen forming behind Steve.
Spack: Behind you, Steve!
But it was too late and the knife pressed into Steve’s back and the man fell in agonising pain. Living but injured.
Roger: You forgot all about me? You fools, I will see every one of you dea—
Stopped in his tracks, Roger felt a cold chill of a blade whispering into his ear.
Raven: I don’t want this part to trail on, just kill him now.
Reaver: What now?
Spack: We enter.
The crew nodded and began to enter the hatch, even Busty whom climbed down slowly.
Chapter 20 – The Big Score
They found themselves down into a labyrinth of sort; even Nikolai and his men had lost each other within.
Raven: The architecture is stunning.
Spack: We can’t stay together; it’s too crowded and too open for an ambush. Spread out and start searching.
Spack remembered the seven newer people and thought of what to do.
Spack: Get out of here and make sure that nobody enters; escape is fine but no entering.
The crew followed, Spack continued to scan around noticing some strange symbols on the walls. He continued his search through the labyrinth.
Unknown Man: Oh, it’s you. We need to get to the—
A gunshot was heard and the others were shaken; Reaver looked back, curious as to what had happened. Spack began to think of the crew that he faced when he returned but a thought had hit him; someone was missing. Busty laid down where he had entered and closed his eyes for a brief moment.
Busty: May the father of understanding guide me.
This “maze” of sorts seemed to be twisted around but an exit was found; Spack left the labyrinth and saw a small lever on a pedestal.
Spack: What does this do?
Nikolai: Stop right there you bitch!
Spack: It’s over, Nikolai.
Nikolai: Think about what you’re doing.
Spack: I’m finishing off what I started when I retrieved the Apple at the start.
Nikolai: Do you even know who I am? What I do?
Spack: I know perfectly well what you do, Raven explained everything to me.
Nikolai: Did he now?
Spack: Yes, everything about the Templars and Assassins.
Nikolai: Did he tell you that he was a Templar?
Spack: As a matter of fact, he did.
Nikolai: Oh, then you must know never to cross us.
Spack gripped the lever and pulled it down, not only did the wall behind it begin to open but the labyrinth walls dug into the ground. Spack saw the bodies of Busty Sprucemeister and the slowly bleeding Christoff El Sto.
Spack: That must have been the gunshot that I heard.
Christoff: How did you know, Nathaniel?
Nathaniel: It’s not so hard to notice you’re an Assassin, Christoff.
Nathaniel: This letter you sent out shows your ties to them.
Christoff died and so there was the scene; Spack, Reaver, Jackie, The Doctor, Toppo, Nikolai, Nathaniel and Raven.
Spack: Where’s Hug?
Nikolai: My men have taken him to a secure ship where he’s to be sent to a Japanese prison.
Nathaniel: Good, just tell them our plans.
Nikolai: They’re not going to be going anywhere.
Spack: You people are outnumbered.
Nikolai: At this very moment, my troops are being rallied and are on course for here.
Spack: I will kill you now if I have to.
Nikolai: Reaver couldn’t harm me, what makes you think you can do better?
Spack: Because Reaver’s moves are predictable.
Spack: Leave now; and I may spare you.
Nikolai: I’m not leaving without that artefact.
Raven gripped Nikolai’s neck from behind and held a gun right by his ear.
Raven: Leave now or taste lead in your ear.
Nikolai: You’re not intimidating, Nathaniel? What are you doing? Come help me.
Nathaniel: With you gone Nikolai, I am left to mentor the Templars; your death is my victory.
Nikolai: What about the artefact inside these walls?
Nathaniel: Only a minor set-back, we’ll find you people but for now I’d rather live and become something bigger than I am at this point.
Nikolai: You fucker, you’re just going to not only abandon me but let them win?
Nathaniel: That is exactly what I am saying.
Spack: Treachery seems so overused as of late.
Reaver: This is true.
Nathaniel located a nearby exit which leads back to the top of Uluru, Reaver aimed his gun slowly yet he did not fire.
Nikolai: One thing I don’t want is to let that little bitch win, I’ll accept your terms but just know this, your asses are mine once I’ve finished fucking Nathaniel’s.
Raven reluctantly released Nikolai and watched as one of their greatest threats left the room.
Spack: You did not kill them, Reaver?
Reaver: One of them will die eventually and nothing bad ever happens when someone that’s trying to kill you is released by your hand.
Spack: I hope you’re right.
Reaver: Of course I am right, I’m always right. There’s also a question I’ve been meaning to ask you since we left England.
Spack: Go for it.
Reaver: You said you spoke to “God,” what do you mean by that?
Spack: I mean I spoke to God who told me of Hannibal’s plans in Uluru; though I wasn’t expecting to see Hannibal dead.
Jackie: What do you mean he “told you”?
Spack: I mean that he spoke to Hug and I; apparently being given wrong directions by what I assume is other Gods.
The Doctor: That’s fucked.
Spack: I’ll tell you what else is fucked.
The Doctor: What?
Spack: The fact that I failed to realize that Nikolai had the Apple.
Raven: It’s useless now.
Raven: This was that Apple’s main purpose; to bring us here and in no time it will disintegrate into the tiniest speck of dust.
The Doctor: That’s even more fucked than those other fucks.
Spack: We’ve put this off for too long, this is our big score people so let’s embrace it.
The crew gazed at the blinding blue light, there was a large chest on a pedestal. Spack paced slowly towards it; making sure there were no traps ready to be sprung. Spack opened the chest and gazed into its contents.
Spack: A Crystal Ball with a note? That’s it? We came all this way for something so stupid?
Reaver: You know how much Crystals are worth, Spack?
Raven: How about you morons read the note?
Spack: *clears throat* “One mistake can be fixed with this ball, only one and once completed it becomes your average Diamond crystal. This may not affect your time and your stories today but it will make another yours that much brighter. There’s also an alternative to this use, the ability to see the future but be warned; just like the ability to fix the mistake, it’s only a one use only.”
Reaver: So basically we can redeem a mistake but it won’t affect us here but another person in another universe?
Reaver: Fuck that.
Spack: Then we’ll keep it just in case we need it.
Raven: We should see what is to become of Nikolai and Nathaniel.
Toppo: Guys, we can decide when we’re out of this rock; if you recall correctly, there are troops of Nikolai’s coming towards the rock at this very moment.
Spack: Toppo does raise a point, it’s best we get out of here while we can.
The crew managed to escape in time and leave the rock with what they had spent all their time looking for. Along the way; they had been reunited with; the seven villagers, Bella and Stella, and then there’s a random hitch-hiker who left halfway on the trip. They all sat down and drank some good ol’ fashioned wine.
Spack: Well, we’ve got what we came for but now what?
Reaver looked at Stella carefully who was just staring at Reaver with lust and temptation.
Reaver: I think I’m ready to get out of the pirate business, maybe settle down for abit… Wait, no, fuck that! I’m going back to what I did best.
Raven: I think I may join you.
Stella: I want to join too!
Reaver: No women allowed.
Stella: Why not?
Reaver: Us men tend to get distracted and how could I not get distracted by someone like you?
Stella: I don’t know whether or not to take that as a compliment.
Reaver: Keep it that way.
Bella: I reckon I’ll stay here for a while.
Toppo: I’m going to try and locate my long-lost father.
Jackie: Hoping to open a business up in the land of Dutch.
The Doctor: Going to hire some builders and open a hospital; I’ll pay these 7 villagers to help actually.
Spack: As for myself, I reckon I’ll throw in the towel of being a renowned pirate.
Toppo: You’re not a renowned pirate.
Spack: Maybe just sail the seas on a new ship; we’ve gotten quite a few dollars on this exploration. I guess I’ll need to rescue Hug de Car while I am at it.
So the crew slowly departed one by one until it was just Spack, Reaver, Raven and Toppo.
Spack: It’s been an honour to be your captain.
Toppo: This venture has been quite eventful, I enjoyed this time with you gentleman but now it’s back to showing bitches what for. I hope you two are successful on your future endeavours.
Toppo left the scene, straightening his white tuxedo before walking out that door.
Raven: If you ever reveal the secrets I shared with you about the Templars and Assassins; I will find you and won’t hesitate to slit your throat.
Reaver: This is goodbye I suppose.
Reaver extended his hand and gripped Spack’s.
Reaver: You’re shaking my right hand.