- "This story closes Spack's journey, with the failed attempt at writing a Mass Effect story with Spack involved, he is put back and everything is change. This story is still humorous but more meaningful and dramatic than the two before it, Yarrsca is a big threat and only Spack with a united crew can stop him!"
- ―The premise.
The final in The Big Score saga, Spack Jarrows has risen! Awakening where he had began, a lot has changed in his one year of absence; Reaver has his own ship and crew while Toppo had opened a bar and so on. But a bigger threat is on the arisen, Yarrsca the Great is planning something. Something sinister. Read to find out!
After Spack’s disappearance following the event of the Road, the crew had resumed their regular duties. It was believed that Spack had perished but he hadn’t, and instead found a whole new adventure to explore but was forced to leave through a time strain inside the road. He awoke at where it all began, the Temple Pipeline, where his new quest would unfurl.
Spack: what the? The Pipeline, I’m back?
Spack wandered around the forest until he had reached a local port.
Spack: Whiskey, eh? Feels like I haven’t had good whiskey in ages.
Bartender: Where you from stranger?
Bartender: Really? Where in space?
Spack: The Citadel, great place, you’d like it.
Bartender Right, I don’t think whiskey is what you need.
Spack: Just give me the damn whiskey.
Spack downed himself in the beverage.
Spack: It’s been a long journey, Spack, you’ve earned a drink.
Peter: You look like shit, where you been?
Spack: Do I know you?
Peter: Name’s Peter Gabriel.
Spack: Spack Jarrows, deadliest pirate of the seven seas.
Peter: Actually there are 8 now.
Peter: Yah PETA had it changed.
Spack: You had it changed?
Peter: No, PETA had it changed.
Spack: Yeah, you’re Peter.
Peter: No. P-E-T-A. PETA.
Spack: Your name is unusually spelled.
Peter: You know what? Fuck it. What’s your story?
Spack: Would you think me crazy if I told you I’ve been to space?
Peter: You’ve been to space?
Spack: Yes, yes I have.
Peter: You’re crazy.
While Spack discussed his journey with the stranger he met at a bar, a war was brewing at sea between the crew of Raver and a newly formed nemesis to the crew.
Reaver: You’ll never conquer us; you’re just lackies for Jarrsca and nothing more! Your death means nothing to him, or me really, actually, yeah I’ll kill you now.
A fight ensued, Reaver allowed Jackie to steer the ship towards the opposition’s. Reaver leapt with Toppo and the rest of their faceless crew onto the ship. The battle raged on and featured awesome slashing and shit. They were successful in their efforts and seized control of the ship.
Reaver: Tie all survivors to the ship and burn it down, but before you do, scour for any information on Yarrsca.
Ah, but who is this Yarrsca fellow? Deep within the depths of a McDonalds somewhere in America is an underground office, inside it is unknown.
Assy: Master, reports have come in that the SS Orville has been burned and sunk. Survivors on board were killed.
Yarrsca: Good, there is no place for weak soldiers on my staff.
Assy: What’s our next plan of action?
Yarrsca: Well, slave, our plan is simple, we kill everyone Reaver has ever known and loved, and then once he’s ruined, we destroy him.
Assy: Do we start with Lady Stella?
Yarrsca: No, that’d be a fool’s errand as she is well guarded by federal agents. We need to take out his source of funding.
Yarrsca: Indeed, bring in Pirate Hunter the Second.
Assy: Yes, master.
The servant left the room and in came a newer man, buffed and muscular as well as armed with firearms.
Pirate Hunter: You called.
Yarrsca: Yes, it’s time.
Pirate Hunter: For what?
Yarrsca: Assy will brief you along the way, try not to kill him, took me enough time to bring him back to life.
Pirate Hunter took off with Assy the slave, and boarded a plane to take him to DutchLand.
Pirate Hunter: So brief me in, maggot.
Assy: The target is Dutch billionaire, Hannibal. Problem is, his body guard protects him. To eliminate Hannibal, you’ll need to take on his body guard who goes by the name of Nikolai Koslovski. He lives in a mansion armed by militia but easy to bypass, Nikolai I the real challenge.
Pirate Hunter: He’s no problem, I can snipe him down.
Assy: Sniping is unwise; it’s too open and no buildings for miles.
Pirate Hunter: How did Hannibal get involved with Reaver’s funding anyway?
Assy: Reaver and he signed a treaty after a pirate by the name of Spack Jarrows had mysteriously vanished; the three were close in a way.
Pirate Hunter: I have heard of him, he died at Uluru according to people.
Assy: He did but when Spack vanished, everyone who had died by his or his crews hand was revived. The key which everybody scoured over crumbled afterwards. Like a cookie, really…
Assy: So everything which happened at the end of “the road”?
Assy: No major death really happened due to the key.
Pirate Hunter: Seems like a big fuck you to the fans.
Assy: Oh it is.
The two journeyed to DutchLand and relaxed whilst doing so.
Chapter 1 - The Flying Dutchman
Bella once more felt the clench of a noose as nobody had bothered to remove her from it before, so she died. Again. She’s not coming back. Now, back to the story, we have arrived at Hannibal’s Mansion which he assumed power upon rising from the dead, he had made amends with Nikolai on the grounds that they would equally share the company.
Hannibal: Did you see the last payment through, Nikolai?
Nikolai: Yes, the money has been transferred to Reaver’s funding; now we can discuss our troops battling with the Dutch Assassins.
Hannibal: You’re the Minister of War and Finances, that’s your area of duty.
Nikolai: Then what’s yours?
Hannibal: I involve myself with the production of Dutch Water Planes.
Nikolai: You mean submarines?
Hannibal: That name sounds too bland, so no, water planes.
Nikolai: We have some time; I’d like to go over our charity cases across the globe.
Hannibal: Ah yes, we want little Tommy Wiseau to see the light of day again.
Nikolai: He died; the charity was just a way to earn more money.
Hannibal: How did he die?!
Nikolai: According to witnesses, he was torn apart by some lady named Lisa.
Hannibal: Alright, let us proceed into my chambers and smoke cigars like all Dutch people do. We can also drink vodka, the Russian drink.
While the two discussed politics and plans to nuke Tasmania, I hate Tasmania; the Pirate Hunter had jumped through the window and was searching for their quarters. He arrived and peered through the key hole but was interrupted by the sound of a piano.
Guard: Someone is here!
Pirate Hunter: Where did the piano noise come from?
Guard: Lightning bolts above my head.
Pirate Hunter: Wait- what?
Guard: Hannibal, Nikolai, get out and escape there’s an assassin in the— The guard quickly devoured a knife into his ribcage and the Pirate Hunter realized his cover was blown. He smacked into the quarters and discovered that Hannibal and Nikolai had vanished.
Pirate Hunter: Fuck!
But right below him, you could faintly hear the patting of feet against a cold stone floor.
Nikolai: So, where are we heading?
Hannibal: Where do you think?
Hannibal: No, water plane.
Nikolai: It’s a submarine!
Hannibal: No, it’s a water plane, you’ll understand why in a moment.
Nikolai: So, where are we heading to?
Hannibal: I have a safe-house in South America.
Nikolai: Isn’t that where that golden orb was?
Hannibal: Indeed, but it’s on port instead of deep within the jungle.
Ah, they journeyed to where Spack was downing himself in a cold beverage and had just finished discussing his journey with Peter.
Peter: That’s amazing, but, how did you get back?
Spack: It’s the strangest thing…
I had actually felt a pressing part in my body and was ripped apart from it and put back onto the Road. Apparently, it was crumbling, a man called out to me, Teller was his name, and he had also said that I’m needed back in this realm and that once I’m back I could sustain it. The Road crumbled right before my eyes and I awoke in the jungle.
Spack: It was quite the sight to see an explosion of space and time. Spack sat in awe as he thought about the journey it has been.
Spack: I’m just thankful it is over and that I’ll never have to see those people again. You know they almost got me killed, three times.
Peter: Well, I must take off, my buds and I are on a ship of our own and we must leave. You’re welcome to run after the ship and board at the last minute.
And so it happened, Spack chased the ship and leaped out at it to board, the men had granted him access.
Spack: Thanks for letting me board, I think I saw seaweed in the ocean depths. Can’t stand seaweed.
Sparrow: Greetings Spack, I’m Sparrow and I’m the captain of this fine vessel.
Spack: What’s her name?
Spack: A male ship? No, that won’t work at all.
Peter: It’s a male ship since it doesn’t stay with one island, it doesn’t hold all of us and the time it stops is for a one time trip.
Spack: That’s stupid.
Peter: That’s your opinion.
Spack: So where are we journeying to?
Peter: We’re actually going to Rome in Italy.
Spack: I’ve always wanted to try their snails; I hear they’re lovely this time of the month.
Peter: Unlike a PMSing woman.
The three laughed while GoddessofDeath sits here reading in shock of the joke which had just unfurled. Please don’t kill me. Anyway, back at DutchLand, Hannibal had unveiled the water plane which was like no submarine that Nikolai had seen. It looked like it possessed the necessary parts to take it into the air.
Ah, but we’ve overlooked a part of the group, meanwhile in Ireland at the Puzzles bar, we look at three members of the former crew.
Tipsy: You kn- you know wh- what I love?
Tipsy: H-how did you know?
Toppo: You’ve been saying that for around 10 minutes.
Tipsy: Can you blame me? Redheads are awesome and I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Toppo: I think you’ve had enough, Tipsy.
Tipsy: I think you should mind your own fucking business and keep pouring my fucking drink, mate.
All went silent as the door flung over and entered Steve.
Steve: Gentlemen, I’ve discovered a new outlook on life!
Tipsy: Really now, sh-share with us your new life with Microsoft Outlook?
Toppo: Ignore my friend here, he’s drunk and I won’t be until I get off my shift. Go on…
Steve: I’ve discovered a map which will lead to a mysterious object and I need a ship!
Toppo: A treasure hunt you say?
Steve: That’s right my friend, I’ve gotten into the treasure hunting game but this object is no mere object it holds the power to manipulate the bodies of any human.
Tipsy: Maybe you can manipulate this bastard into getting me another bloody beer, my glass is empty.
Toppo: Where is this treasure?
Steve: Italy, it’s at the heart of Rome.
Toppo: Hm, Italians, shall I pack my condoms?
Tipsy: What a stup-stupid question, of course you’ll pack your condoms. It’s Italy!
They began their preparations but during the night a plane could be seen soaring through the sky. It caught Pirate Hunter’s attention and made him scream in fury.
Assy: Mister Hunter, how was your mission?
Pirate Hunter: They got away, I need you to tell us where they have headed to, find out all possible locations and get Yarrsca to use his spies.
Assy: At once!
So the story was unfolding, Spack embarked with a new crew on a new adventure for some new treasure while his old European part of group hunted down the same treasure. The Dutch Millionaire Hannibal and his co-owner Nikolai were fleeing DutchLand on a plan as an escape from the Pirate Hunter. Yarrsca would be infuriated by the news but was busy dealing with a war with his own against Reaver. But little did he know; a little bird will be dropping by to pay him a visit.
Chapter 2 - The Day The People Cheered
Deep within the heart of the Russian mountains was a little cottage housing the Doctor and Jackie with their 5 children. They were happy but the Doctor would never be content with the life he was leading. But his story does not begin now, at the moment we follow Spack and the new crew.
Spack: So, how long have I been gone for?
Sparrow: Well, I’d say around a whole year now. Rumours fly by fast to pirate and other sea vessels.
Spack: Care to catch me up? What happened with Reaver?
Sparrow: Reaver took over your ship and is now waging war on Jarrsca the Great.
Spack: I don’t know who that is.
Sparrow: Nor should you, he’s rich beyond belief and has an ocean militia at his disposal.
Peter: I heard he became co-owner of Hannibal industries, minster of war and finance.
Spack: Then what does Hannibal do?
Peter: Works on Dutch Water Planes.
Spack: I don’t get it.
Peter: Nobody does.
Sparrow: Toppo, Tipsy and Steve returned to Ireland and opened a bar called Puzzles.
Spack: Why is it called Puzzles?
Sparrow: That’s the puzzle.
Spack: What about Bella?
Sparrow: She’s dead.
Peter: I think every reader saw it coming.
Spack: The Doctor?
Peter: Moved to the Russian Alpines with his wife, Jacqueline.
Spack: Really? How are they?
Peter: Stressful, they had quintuplets.
Spack: Shit, they must have been a pain in the ass for Jackie.
Sparrow: I see what you did there.
Spack: So, where exactly are we heading to?
Sparrow: The Colosseum.
Peter: Yep, while we’re there we’ll be hosting the crews annual fight night.
Sparrow: It should be nice.
Their journey continued but how is Reaver holding up against Yarrsca.
Ace: Reaver, we’ve broken through Yarrsca’s Fifth Fleet!
Reaver: Excellent, we should be approaching the sewer entrance which should take us to Yarrsca’s base.
Ace: With all due respect, the entrance could be heavily armed.
Reaver: I have a plan, we’re going to sneak into the ship and once the militia board which I know they will, we will shoot up through the weakened wooden floorboards, killing them before they enter.
But Yarrsca had other plans for Reaver.
Assy: Master, we have terrible new—
Yarrsca: Not now, we have some company and I intend to greet our guests. While I am absent, prepare the chambers for gassing.
Yarrsca: Did I say you could talk, go and do as I say!
While Assy prepared the chambers, Yarrsca approached the sewer entrance. Reaver and his crew went inside the ship instead of exiting and camped inside.
Reaver: If you want us, come and get us.
Yarrsca: Judging by the look of the wood on your ship, it’s quite frail. To approach your ship would be suicide, men surround the ship. Make sure they can’t move.
The men shot their muskets into the wood, smacking through and striking the men.
Reaver: Fuck! My leg!
Assy ran as fast as he could, catching up to Yarrsca who was about to board the ship.
Assy: Master, the chamber won’t be ready for another 24 hours!
Yarrsca: Not good enough, you bitch!
Yarrsca was quick to plant his pistol into Assy’s back which pushed him to the ground.
Yarrsca: Hop up!
Yarrsca threw Assy to his feet and gripped his collar; pulling him along while he came aboard the ship.
Yarrsca: Now, you even attempt to attack, I’ll kill each and every one of you. To show you all that I’m not bluffing, take this faggot for example.
Yarrsca threw Assy onto his knees and placed his pistol against the poor lad’s head.
Reaver: We don’t care if he’s dead, he seems like a little faggot to us.
Yarrsca shot through Assy’s head, leaving nothing but a large hole inside it.
Yarrsca: Men, take them to the gas chambers, you people should feel lucky, and you have one day in there to think about this proposal; join me or die. That simple, or I could kill you all with one bullet and blow your fucking brains out. Take your pick…
Reaver: You don’t leave us much choice now do you?
Yarrsca: I simplified it for you people. I’ll have a guest visiting soon just for you, Reaver.
Reaver: What do you mean?
Yarrsca: I’m making sure your lovely little Stella will be with you when you die, burning in a molten gas chamber.
Reaver: You prick.
Yarrsca: I am quite insane.
Reaver: Let me ask you something, why all this just to take me down?
Yarrsca: You doomed yourself when you people blew up those docks in England. My father was a worker there who was killed, I had spies follow you guys, learn all your weaknesses and now I have.
Ace: You won’t get away with this, we have contacts.
Yarrsca: The only person who would bother with you two is Spack and guess where he is, in a hole in the ground.
Reaver: Actually, Spack was cremated and thrown into the pipeline of the South American temple.
While they were doomed to face the fate of the Jews, Toppo and Co. just docked into the Italian ports.
Toppo: I hear Venice is having bitches this time of the year.
Steve: Indeed, how was your trip, Tipsy?
Tipsy: My head is aching and I feel as though I’m going to throw up. So, your average day in Ireland…
Toppo: So, where to?
Raven: I’m thinking America… Raven appeared as though he were a shadow.
Toppo: Raven? We thought you were off the grid…
Raven: I’m always off the grid, but I need your ship. Reaver’s about to be gassed!
Toppo: I never liked Reaver, let him be gassed. Besides, we’re on a quest of our own!
Raven: I would threaten you but I can see why you wouldn’t want to step in. I guess I need to take things into my own hands.
Toppo: I hear you assassins are best at taking matters into your own hands.
Raven: If that’s a masturbation joke then yes, you’re right.
Toppo: I knew it.
Raven vanished into the shadows as if he was… if he was… yeah, I don’t know where I was going with this. While Reaver rotted in his cell, the ones he had called “friends” had gone their separate ways and no longer were in touch with one another… and time was growing short. Reaver sat in his cell, shackled and tortured by Yarrsca himself, feeling the pressure of a whip striking against his back and scarring the back of Reaver’s skin.
Yarrsca: I want you to see me laughing when you die, Reaver.
Reaver: When I get out of here, you’ll be sorry for ever messing with me, you hear me?! You son of a bitch!
Yarrsca: We also bought a little present in just for you!
Yarrsca gripped a familiar figure and Reaver was appalled to find out whom it was, Stella. She shrieked as she felt the grip of Yarrsca’s cold hands and was thrown into Reaver’s chamber and the door locked behind her.
Reaver: I’ll kill you!
Reaver screamed and shouted, throwing his chains to the door but knowing it was no use and death was imminent to Reaver and his crew. The Doctor heard a knock on his door to find Raven standing before him.
Raven: I need your help and I need it now or they may not survive.
Chapter 3 – 6 Million to 6
Raven walked through the snowy sides of the Russian Alps with the Doc, who seemed thrilled to be taken away from his home.
Doc: It’s so good to be away from that place, I’ve been trying to get out of there for months.
Raven: Don’t be naïve, Doctor; this is no easy task ahead of us.
Doc: I’m probably ignorant because I don’t know what it is we’re doing.
Raven: A pirate called Yarrsca the Great has captured Reaver—
Doc: Fuck that, I’m out.
Raven: Wait, Doc! Please! At this point, you’re the only one who can help, Toppo has completely abandoned me in this situation and I fear you’re the only one who can help me.
Doc: You’re lucky you know?
Raven: How am I lucky?
Doc: You’re lucky that you have such an awesome friend that will help you rescue an asshole. Tell me more about what we will face…
Raven: There’ll be a lot of sneaking, you sure you can handle it?
Doc: Of course I can, what kind of stupid question is that?
Raven: Well, you did get yourself captured in London for one.
Doc: Isolated incident and fuck you too.
Raven: Our main problem is Yarrsca himself, he’s a sadistic man.
Doc: Well, how long do we have to rescue him?
Raven: I’d say around 14 hours now.
Doc: That’s crazy, we’d need like a vehicle that could soar us through the air to get there in time.
Raven: I’m glad you mentioned that, up ahead is Leonardo da Vinci’s flying machine.
Doc: But didn’t that fail very badly?
Raven: Doc. Doc. Doc.
Raven: Shut the fuck up and glide down, there’s two horses waiting down there that’ll take us to the hideout.
And so they glided, they glided for hours and while that was happening Hannibal and Nikolai had arrived at their destination.
Hannibal: Feels like forever since I’ve been here.
Nikolai: You’ve never been here.
Hannibal: Come on then, let’s indulge ourselves in the cuisine of our new life.
Nikolai: You can’t be serious about staying here.
Hannibal: There’s nowhere else to go, that hunter will search everywhere for us. We just need to wait it out until he finds our Dutch Water Plane.
The two entered the bar and sat themselves down at the bench, ordering two glasses of wine.
Hannibal: Strange, I was just thinking about how much shit this place got me into.
Hannibal: And then I wonder, I had a whole fucking army at my disposal, why didn’t I send them after that one man?
Nikolai: Because you had paid that spy a shitload of money… his name was Ace, I think. I don’t know.
Hannibal: What ever happened to him?
Nikolai: He was killed by the Mafia in Italy; apparently they really do protect the family name.
Hannibal: It’s funny isn’t it, to think that my corporation was entirely overthrown thanks to Spack Jarrows, an incompetent pirate who merely got lucky.
Nikolai: Here’s to that.
The two raised their glasses but the conversation had seemingly caught the attention of the bartender.
Bartender: Did you say “Spack Jarrows”?
Bartender: How do you know this man?
Hannibal: He killed me, but it’s okay because now he’s dead.
Bartender: Well, there was a man called Spack Jarrows here before.
Nikolai: What? It can’t be the same person, there’s just no way.
Hannibal: Maybe it was he who had sent that man after us!
Nikolai: Hannibal, Spack’s dead, I was at the funeral, he was cremated and we left the ashes in the jungle just outside this port.
Hannibal: Was it in an urn?
Nikolai: Of course.
Hannibal: Come on, we need to check out this urn.
The two ventured into the forest and found the urn had been shattered along the forest.
Hannibal: Mother of god, he’s alive!
Nikolai: I don’t understand; how is it possible? Oh my god, don’t you see what’s going on? We’re getting roped into one of his adventures again, it happened before and it’s happening again.
Hannibal: I don’t care, I need to find him.
Nikolai: Perhaps I can get answers about the end of the Road.
So their search began but what about Spack’s memories of the Road? They were there, even the end but they weren’t clear; all he can make of it are in nightmares.
Spack: Why have things changed?
He turned around to find the man he had sought; me.
Teller: Why does anything change, Spack?
Spack: You caused this!
Teller: No, you made the choice, you caused this.
Spack: But, everything is different, the group is separated and everybody thinks I’m dead.
Teller: Because you were dead, listen, you’ve been dead for a year in this realm. The Road broke, it imploded and caused what I consider a time strain and has cut off from it. Everything here is not affiliated with time and space, technically.
Spack: I don’t understand! You’re not making any sense!
Teller: Think of it this way, anything that happens now is irrelevant to the general outcome of things. This has no positive or negative impact on the cosmos of space and time.
Spack: You used a lot of big words but I think I get it 75% of what you said.
Teller: And now you’re falling, have fun having a mini-heart attack.
That was a dick move, I love it. Anyway, Spack awoke in a daze and saw Peter gazing steadily at the fire.
Spack: What are you still doing up?
Peter: Couldn’t sleep.
Spack: Why not?
Peter: Look at all the innocents that have died because of us, they never returned.
Spack: That’s strange, how do you know they’re still dead.
Peter: Because they were killed by police soldiers when they came out of the ground and you were cremated, how the fuck aren’t you ash?
Spack: I don’t know; maybe my body was pressed back together or some shit, I don’t know.